Friday, September 24, 2010

Tuesday is the new Friday

A couple weeks ago, me and a couple bro's decided that weekdays are much better to go out. Cheaper beer, better specials and such. Sure not as much people but also means less dodes, chodes and douche bags, they all have to wake up at 5am and go to there daddy's construction site, then GTL. Anyway we head downtown to a bar called forum because pitchers on a tuesday is 10 bucks! and there was a mechanical bull. We get there and it was dead as fuck like we expected so we sat down and slammed 5 pitchers, the club started picking up and now were all shiiitfaced, one of the bros runs into a chick from his hometown he doesn't like so I use that excuse to go and talk to her, turns out she speaks afghani and is like one hundred percent white, she lives with like 5 brown dudes that were with her that night, all sitting around with her and shit staring at me wishing they could cut my dick off and cook me or something. Regardless I start making out with her and stuff it was getting a little weird cuz she was rubbing my johnson right in front of them so I told her we had to go and she was all down, she tells her afghani roomies this and they start yelling in there language for about 5 minutes, I am too drunk to react to this fighting so I just sit there swaying side to side, trying to stay concious. Eventually she turns to me and the look on her face reminded me of when you asked your parents if your bestfriend could sleep over and they said no and you were way to upset. So she tells me she can't fuck me tonight. It looked like she was about to cry it was so fucked up haha like these brown guys are all her boyfriends and dads at the same time.

So eventually we leave and we end up at this hotdog stand, it was the tastiest damn hotdog i ever had, I ended up telling this dude how amazing his hot dogs were for like ten minutes and shaking all the staffs hands and shit then for some reason after that we go to megabite and i spill the entire condiment counter on myself cuz I fell into it reaching for the hot sauce. Now I am blacked out and have franks hot sauce all over me. The night was not over yet, although it should have been, so damn sloppy.

We end up at the roxy and at this point i am talking to any chick who looks at me for a millisecond, lots of them were probably cuz i had a condiment station on my shirt. Somehow I start dancing with like the hottest chick ever and she was loving it. My friend turns me around laughing saying we have to go and that I do not know how to dance at all and you look way to cool to be here right now. I agreed with them and then we drove home. The end.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

46 years of fine aging and a curious 20 year old

Hello Brothers,

This is my first post and I will try and make the experience as memorable as it was for me for you the reader. As many brothers are aware there is a cozy nook that sits on the corner of White Rock beach called The Sandpiper or as I like to call it: the Booyah Piper. So I make my weekly trek down to white rock to hang out with some fellow bros, the night begins with quickly drinking a six pack of tall boy old mil's and a walk down to the bar. The walk down to the beach, drinkin brews with bros is always a good time plus I get to point out all the cars i've pissed on and tried to shit on, and all the trees weve broken. Funny what a little liquor and a naked dude will do to ya.

We finally get to the bar, we by pass getting beer and head straight for the karaoke play list right away. Before you know it we have got 4 songs ready to unleash on the unsuspecting crowd. Once I am content with the golden choices we made I head to the bar, at this point I am very much drunk and kinda spilly, which is a good mixture for a dance floor. So I get my beer, and some fuckin song for some reason I have to dance too starts playing so I slam my beer and head right for it. There is four of us BTW, all bros and all intimately dancing with each other and grinding on one another, you know for shits and giggles. People are getting weird-ed out but I don't give a flying Freddy. So that keeps up for like another hour, were all dancing and singing and carrying on, great night really. My drunk starts entering the aggressive horny stage, also a really good stage if you like to grab chicks.

And then from the corner of my drunken horny eye, I spot one not really a rare sight at the piper but a sight none the less. A cougar awaits my arrival, so I glide towards her and start dancing with her with my slick ass moves that from another person point of view looks like a crippled man trying to walk again while drunk. We dance for a while but my agressivness kicks in and I take her outside for a smoke, from there I lay on the smooth talk but there was really no need, she already marked her territory and everyone knew it. I looked behind me and all my bros are standing there smirking at me, I give them a re assuring nod that tells them I will not be returning with them tonight.

So now the night really starts, we start walking up to her car with friend. I could tell her friends was laughing really hard inside about what was happening. Al three of us are blackout, and at this point she tells me she drove. I wasn't too worried about it cuz if anyone knows how to drink and drive it's me, I volunteer like I really wanted to or something. We get to the car and I notice it is a standard, now this poses a problem because a standard is not a type of car I've driven before. So her friend tries to help me but she's to busy trying to keep her food down and my cougar is too busy talking about shit I couldn't care less about. My clumsy attempt to drive a standard up hilly white rock while blackout costed this car 6 stalls. Which isn't too bad right? So we finally end up at her house, she makes the most tasty martini I ever had, we all sit on hte patio and talk about stupid shit and sway side to side all trying not too pass out. Her friend calls a cab cuz she knows it's about to go down, and as soon as she did I hopped in this 46 year olds bed took all my clothes off except my socks (of course) I figured shes 46 she doesnt wanna play games, and boy was I right. She starts slobbin on my knob like it's the last one on earth, my eyes went from half open to full blown shocked. And from there it was just about 25 minutes of epic cougar sex, I felt like I was being raped but it was tight. As soon as SHE finished, I passed the hell out, woke up in the morning nood still took a piss, it went bloody everywhere , I decided not to clean it up, I was way too hungover to bend over and exert energy. I walk into the kitchen and there is a cup of coffee and breakfast made for me. I thought to myself what A good idea this was. As I happily finished my breakfast we talked awkwardly for about a half hour than I made my long walk of shame home.

Too my brothers who are doubtful about the milf hookup, give it a try. It'll be weird and you will be thinking to yourself why aren't I having sex with a 18 year old skank right now, but trust me it's worth it just for one time just to say you did it. And brother mitch your an idiot not going out with that 30 year old, she woulda sucked your dick right off.

Wet Jugs

Hit on at Superstore


I was at superstore today doing my weekly grocery shopping for my my usual, eggs,cereal,greek salad ingredients, and the ingredients to make my weekly batch of spaghetti sauce. Some woman commented on me buying healthy food when I was searching for oregano that I couldn't find then spun some more conversation and then got really forward asking if I wanted to go for coffee. She was old(probably pushing towards 30 i would guess), but looked like was probably okay when she was my age. Anyways, I told her I had a girlfriend and walked away. The pants were with me today, attracting older women.

I'll leave you with a quote:

“If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.”-Jennifer Lopez


Brother Mitch

Ps: I never did find the oregano

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Broliver Presents: Posting from VIP in Toronto and Karaoke antics.

Greetings my brothers,
I am posting from the VIP lounge (yes it's actually called that) in the Toronto international airport. A woman came up to me whilst I was seated and asked "...have I already checked you in?" to which I replied with a slow nod and a confident "Yes." She didn't check me in, this was her first time ever seeing me. I have about an hour to kill so I decided to walk around, I ended up leaving the security area so I had to go back through security which annoyed me, so I took my belt off in a dramatic fashion and threw it on the floor, I then started unbuttoning my pants but remembered that guy who got tazered to death in YVR and started to re-button my pants. I had to go through some weird new-age scanning thing and did not follow Ricardo's instructions at all. It was hilarious, it took over a minute for me to stand on 2 yellow footprints, all the while I was doing strange model poses and ballet spins.

I got seated in a row of seats all by myself on the flight from Halifax, I was chatting up the lady at the desk and asked if I could get business class, since West Jet has no business class Her words: 'with west jet we're ALL business class' Bullshit. Anyway, that was a nice perk and she promised me the best seat on my flight to Vancouver, I wonder if that includes a blowjob from the steward/ess.

I woke up this morning completely drunk and confused, it was 7:30 and I must have slept through my alarm, this resulted in no shower/breakfast/or any sort of preparation at all. Luckily I packed the night before, pre-drunkeness.

I sang karaoke again last night, it was amazing, I decided to get hammered as it was my last night in Halifax. The table of girls that I decided to sit with was pretty cool, there was one hot girl but she was flanked by fatties, apparently one of the fatties I had actually talked to and danced with on the weekend, even though I went out sober on the weekend I couldn't remember this because I met so many girls. Oh well. I sang "under the bridge" by the chili peppers, got a free drink, then I bought a double vodka tonic and sang "All out of love" by Air supply, if you don't know this song I recommend you listen to it immediately. I don't remember much but apparently I smashed it out of the park and all the girls were getting wet.

I was completely hammered at this point and realized if I wanted anything to happen with the hot girl I had to sit next to her, so I climbed over the fat friend without saying anything and started groping her indescriminately, she was down but her friends were pissed off. At one point while I was gone pissing and my friend was still there apparently the friends said "We need to get away from that guy he's hammered and groping you!" (in my words) and the one hot one said "But-but he's a good singer!"(in dave's words) Anyway, supposedly I was on the verge of being thrown out and had a 9am flight the next day so my friend decided it was time to leave and escort me out, I didn't even get to sing "Only the good die young" by Billy Joel, which was up next on my list. Great night all in all. I've realized that I don't need alcohol as a social crutch but it's a damn good time to get hammered and not give a fuck, I haven't quit drinking but I don't think I'll drink as much as I used to (almost daily, borderline alcoholic stylez)

Anyways, that was my Sunday and hopefully the next hour flies by!

p.s let's get all the brothers who are currently living in the lower mainland to get together and party some shit up, so if you guys know any good parties going on soon, let's all descend on that shit with pure pant glory.

BBBBJ In Ghana.

Well bromen, I'm here and it is hot. Not nearly as hot as my BBBBJ(British Bare Back Blow Job). She was nice, it was nice, she also had nice teeth. Can't stay long, but i can assure you, I'm not going to abstain from anygirl that come to ghana with me, i also got the Ghana cell phone of two chicks from holland.

I have less than a minute now at this internet cafe. Posting will be happening once every two months.

Farewell Brothers,

Ps. There have been no bowel eruptions...yet.
PPS. 2 dollars for a bottle of beer, and a guy gave me a whole bottle of gin.

Monday, September 20, 2010

My Post

5 Star, quality entertainment.
Siiick of being nagged to post in this so i finally decided to go for it. School started for everyone so that makes my life 100 times more boring now that everyone is all responsible and blah blah blah... which totally sucks. I recently found out i'm pretty sensitive to Gluten and stuff like that so i can't drink most beers or eat pretty much anything... which doesn't help me cause i also picked up a vegan diet a couple weeks ago. So finding shit to eat other than salads is pretty tough. I really wish i had some more shit to talk about buuut i don't. sorrry! i will uupdate soon!

Confidence is the way to a woman's heart.. or atleast her pants.

As this blog is public again, I must now choose my words carefully. Since I now have a social persona to uphold, I have spent the last hour figuring out how to censor my happenings for the benefit of promoting future happenings without sacrificing the brotherly nature of my report to my dearest kinsmen.
I have come up with a list only.

Wenesday- Ratatat Live at the Commadore.
Thursday - Yazads Birth Party.
Friday- Pauls Departure Party.
Saturday- UBC House Party.
Sunday- Recovery.
Monday- Date night.

The results without going into explicit detail:
I received 13 numbers in the last 5 days.

The wise words of a father,
"A woman will not lay a man who will not lay himself."

So I leave you with my legacy,

Lay unto yourself as you would lay unto others.

Kind Regards,

Brother Moe

Brother Down In The Library

Brother Naresh Reporting In,

Dear Brothers, I right to you in awe as I study for Chemistry only the best course one has to offer in the depths of the silence zone on the 3rd floor of this gigantic library. A Great man once said "Life is Good" His name was Aran Davison who can't use this blog because for some reason it's in russian for him in Greece. Anyways. If anyone has been in this library Jake for example one would know that the 3rd floor is the quietest place on earth. For you brother's I will let out a big fart so the masses in here will stare at me in the utmost disgust and I will look back at their faces and say while having the biggest smile "You wanna hear a louder one" Then go back to my studious ways. UVic is a ridiculous school, I met a beautiful girl on friday, I don't really know her name she probably told me but it was 2 am in the morning on a friday... I invited her over for toast but sadly there was only 2 slices of toast left. Not to worry Brother's I Had NUTELLA. So everything worked out. I also went to some keggar on friday, left within 10 minutes though for it was in a house fit for 50 people but had 300 people in it. A little girl almost got squished to death. Saturday night Scott and I rolled out to Social Club. It was pouring rain and we were completely Sober, but we had a wonderful night. Girls really do love dancing, but so do I, so it wasn't a problem. Scott and I realized that going to a club sober made us the most moralistic humans in the world (Wayyy more than the Dalai Lama). It was disgusting. I miss each and every one of you brothers and if you get the chance you should all get the Friday the November 5th tickets to see the Bloody Beetroots. It'll be a Night to remember. For now I am inclined to get a 100% in every single course and to let out loud farts on the third floor of the library. Tomorrow I look forward to being bullied because of my farts, and if you don't hear from me wednesday I'm in Intensive care after farting one too many times. No but seriously, I would have gone into more detail but I really need to focus. FOCUS! Oh yah back to "Life is Good"---- I expand the quote to "Life Is Beyond Good, It's What You Make it, and I made it Great" THROUGH THE TEARS AND THE LAUGHTER BROTHERS XOXOX LIVE LAUGH LOVE CRY JUMP AND CUDDLE AND KISS ONLY WHEN MARRIED.


Beer Olympics of Olympic proportions

This past weekend, by brothers, our house hosted the second annual Beer olympics at the Barn.

Beer Olympics = olympic style beer drinking competition
The Barn = our house, since it looks like a barn.

We invited 17 teams of three, hosted five events, and drank 20 24's of beer.

 Our team was off to a disadvantave from the start, when our mandatory girl drinker bailed out an hour before the event.  Team Sweden suddenly needed to find a new member!  After mass texts, we ended up having some guy named AJ on our team.  No one knew who he was, and you would think having three guys at a drinking comptetition would be advantagous, since all teams needed at least one girl; however AJ was the only 19-23 year old male in a whole three block radius who could not drink beer.

The first event was Boat Race.  It's kinda like flip-cup, without the flipping.  It's a timed event, where contestants go down a line and back, drinking a beer as fast as the can.  We would have done well, but AJ, in the middle decided to sip his beer, not realizing that it was a timed event...and that we were at a drinking competition.  Who invited this guy?

Next event up is the bat spin.  Contestants spin around with their foreheads on a bat ten times, then run five meters and to a table, where they have to drink a full beer.  Two members from each team are timed, and the winning team has the lowest total time.  This is the greatest event of the tournament.  Everyone stands around and laughs as individules make an ass of themselves, and girls fall down.  We did quite well, and came in third place for this event, probably because AJ sat it out.

Flip cup was next, ladder style tournament, you have to lose two times to get disqualified, and the last team standing wins.  We were up against Lebanon, and would have lost, but the bastards cheated.  Their third drinker started drinking before the second was finished his beer.  If this more serious than a chill afternoon of drinking, then I would have protested, but we were just there to drink some beers in a brotherly manner.

Quarters was up next.  Fairly uneventful, who even plays quarters these days anyways?

Finally we were upstairs for beer pong.  Same ladder style tournament, but if you lose once, you're out.  The whole day AJ's been talking about Beer Pong.  This mysterious guy who no one really knows says he's good a beer pong, and he's clearly not good at anything else, so we give him a chance.  We're up against Kazakstan, two dudes dressed like Borat.  Game's fairly close, AJ's nothing special, but he's certainly passable.  Eventually though we've got our backs against the wall with 3-1, and we're on redemption.  AJ throws first, misses, typical.  I'm up next.  It's all on the line, they have three cups in a row.  At this point brothers, I think of the pants.  In my heart of hearts I'm wearing the magical pants which to which we are all bound.  I throw my first shot.  Sink it, no splash.  Second shot is up, perfect trajectory as if guided by angels.  Now It's all up to me.  One shot, one cup.  I throw my plastic ping pong ball, and sink the third cup.  Truly a moment where the pants were with me brothers.

All in all the beer olympics were a great sucess.  The pants were with me brother, but one day there shall be another beer olympics, one where we are all together, not only through the spirit of the pants, but it person.

"May the pants be with you"
"and also with you, brother"

-Jam Master Jake

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Broliver Presents: Went swimming.

Yo my brothers. So yesterday I decided since I was all the way out here on the east coast I should swim in the Atlantic, which I've never done before. It was a cold, gray September evening and I was in my underwear. There was a couple sitting in their car at the beach watching me, it was probably really romantic for them and I bet it kickstarted their sex-drives. Anyway, the water smelled bad and there was tons of mussels and seaweed, it was ice-cold but a good refreshing wake-up. I think I might make polar-bear swims a weekly routine once I get back home, anyone want to join me?
Anyway, had a pretty decent night out, I'll spare you the details, but it involved the usual; sneaking into multiple venues without waiting in line or paying cover (one was pretty high class and we somehow bombarded the coat check lady with reasons why we needed VIP bracelets), meeting multiple lame-ass drunks and dodes. And I set the fire alarm off twice while I was cooking some noodles at 3:30am, to the dislike of the people trying to sleep in the house. I'm coming back home on Tuesday and I think I'll make a trip out to Victoria on the 1st if Naresh isn't busy with exams.
peace out broheems.


Brothers and brother lovers,

I started last weekend with a fast food binge that included Thai, Mcdonalds, pizza, A&W and Jos Louis . I gained 10 pounds in water weight from all the salt and felt like such a fat slut. By Monday I remembered noone likes fat people, so I went back to the gym right then to upkeep my perfect Hugh Grant-like body (See attached picture above).Most of my week went: school ,gym, study, T.V and sleep no need for real details there.
Kwantlen is just like highschool except easier, I even see a lot of people from highschool although most times I pretend I don't to avoid this conversation:

"Hey, Hows it going?"
"Good , long time no see"
"Yeah, what have you been up to? what are taking? how old are you now?Do you remember that time back in math 10 when we did math? "
"Not much, Courses, twenty and three quarters, and yes I definitely remember doing math."
"Well I've got to go, but we should hang sometime"
"yeah, for sure. See ya!"

Thursday night was Yazad's Birthday. I had a class to go to early Friday morning and after deciding I would not attend, I decided I would attend sober. We had a good guy to girl ratio of 9:1 as we headed towards the Bourbon . We thought this would change when we got to the bar as we were told tales of the Bourbon being very busy on Thursday nights. This is not the case, we were nearly the only people in the whole place. A sausage fest dance floor ensued while the live band played anything requested. Friday Night we said goodbye to Brother Paul for 6 months as he is going to africa so that he will have heartwarming stories to aid in getting DTFL. I said goodbye with a gift of a photoshopped picture(see below) of what I hope his trip will be like. Saturday night I went to UBC to party, I drank some 151 and iced tea, I also witnessed the hairiest female legs I have ever seen wearing a mini-skirt. The night ended with 4 people sleeping in a double bed, not the first time and it won't be the last.

I can be your hero baby,

Brother Mitch

I thought I'd let the bros know whats up so here it is. Just began my post secondary education off on the right foot, going to the prestigious Kwantlen University with one course. It's actually pretty interesting and Kwantlen has everything a brother needs. My first campus experience was in the courtyard where a DJ blasted Like a G6 while i tried to figure out where i was. After ending up in the staff offices i finally found my class and the serious smart schooling started. Im taking Traditional History of the Far East and id say 70% of the class is white and there isnt a single asian person which surprised me. While on the topic of ethnicities id like to mention some seriously tasty steak fajitas i had the other day at Luna Loca, i recommend trying them. Anyways thats all for this post, Ill have to do something crazy in the next week so I have something to write about.
Much love brothers, much love.
Brother Carson

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Broliver Presents: Friday Nights out!

Good morning brothers!

Tonight was somewhat interesting, started off hitting up some predrink that was mostly uneventful, I witnessed some pretty amazing beerpong shots but I didn't have any booze to partake. After that I decided I'd go and reunite with my friend James Ross, whom I scuba dived with in Indonesia then stayed with in Calgary for about a week. Very cool guy, he was just chillin in his room, which was actually the lounge turned into extra housing for people with nowhere to stay or something. Kicked it there for a bit and then headed off into the night.

Did the regular old thing, just hitting up womenz and sneaking into clubs. Got into 2 different clubs tonight for free, one was with my almost 2 week old wrist band and the other was through the back door. We noticed it was slightly ajar so we went in and ran up a flight of stairs, at the top there was a curtain blocking the hall from the club. Just as we arrived at the top of the stairs some drunk girl stumbled through the curtain and we heard a bouncer yell "HEY GET BACK HERE, NOONE ALLOWED BACK THERE". At this point I was shitting myself and then about a minute later an employee walked through to get to the "employee only" area, we just gave him a nod and he kept going, then we went through the curtain and got in. Glory times! Talked to a lot of girls in this place, the ones that stood out:
Go up and start dancing with this girl and kind of just man-handling her, slapping her ass, lifting her up, pulling her into me, pulling her hair etc. We kiss, she bites my lip, she gets angry because she doesn't know my name and it's all happening too fast or some dumb shit. She takes off.
Another funny thing was I walked up to these 2 girls that looked like they were in a hurry and said "Where are you going we haven't even met yet!" and they said "Get the fuck away from here!" Actually the first girl said that and her friend just repeated the exact same sentence. I laughed really hard at that.
I had a bottle of water and was holding it as if it were my dick and walked up to some girl and placed it in her hand and she got really angry and told me to fuck off, laughed pretty hard at that as well.

Switched venues to the dome. I hate this place, it's a bunch of horrible people, dressed up like gangsters, bitchy sluts that aren't even that good looking and just people who shouldn't be in the same place as me, I don't know why I go here, pretty excited to leave Halifax to be honest.
Anyways the groups that stood out here: This one girl I chatted for a really long time with and had a great interaction, she didn't know what she was doing later (ding ding ding) but had to find her roommate who had called her like 8 times during out conversation and she kept just ignoring him. I decided to get her number because it seemed possible to pull her later that night (by the time I texted her she was home already, so no go). Then another girl was just sitting there and I went up and said "I'm sad, I need a kiss" so she kissed me on both cheeks then lips, meh, she was all right we bullshitted for a while, talked about my scars and what not but that kind of fizzled into nothing!
Then the weirdest one was this crazy looking black girl named Latoya came up and started talking to me, she might have been on meth, she seemed really nice though so I didn't want to be rude. Anyway she talked and talked, I think she had missing teeth, then she wanted to dance so I agreed just to be affable, her body was yuck, everything was yuck, I kind of just panicked and said "I gotta go find my friend" I felt like a chick reacting towards me haha, am I really that bad?? Anyway, she started grabbing me and asking what was wrong and telling me to stay but I was pretty freaked out.
Nothing really to note from tonight, I choded out at the end and kind of just stopped approaching.
Oh there was some dude playing guitar on the street and he was just starting up on "You can't always get what you want" by the stones and this douche came up and tried requesting a song but the guy just kept singing and as the douche was walking away and declaring "well say goodbye to 20 fuckin bucks!" the dude just started getting into the verse of "YOU CANT ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WWAAAANNNT" and it was just timed so damn perfectly. I gave the guy $2 for his efforts and sang the rest of the song with him.
That was my night.
I cooked soy sauce peanut butter noodles with beef slices and garlic. Actually damn good.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Broliver Presents: Wing Night

Evening Brethren,
So tonight I wasn't really planning on doing anything, after the pee debacle I began to doubt my capability of doing anything. But apparently it was cheap wing night at Maxwell's, which was a nice little bar. I asked the waitress if there was to be a beverage purchased in order to engage in cheap wing night (in those words) there was, so I ordered a milk and 30 wings, mixed honey garlic and hot. Nothing really eventful happened, I ate my wings like a good boy, wasn't very difficult but felt poisoned and overloaded with sodium afterwards. My friends and I discussed O.J Simpson, Robert Pickton and whether the sanitary napkins were for wiping the jizz off our dicks after cheap wings or for wiping our asses after shitting all the cheap wings out immediately after. They were for hands, boring. After wing night we cruised by a bar called Pogue which looked absolutely packed and had a huge line up. We then dropped our friend Charlie off at home and went back to Pogue, looking for a way in without line or paying cover.

Note: At this point I am completely stuffed from 30 wings, gaseous from lactose and sober as an egg.
We tried the back door, there was a bouncer but we tried to just walk past , he stopped us and said it was only an exit and that we weren't allowed in that way. Then we went to the front and tried the old stamp line-up then flash a blank wrist trick. This didn't work either, apparently it was the "staff lineup" which seems fucky. Anyway, we sort of just squeezed into a spot very close to the front of the line, went in, told the stamp girl "I was here earlier for wings and I didn't get a stamp when I left" she kind of looked at me and I just stared into her eyes giving her a look like "Yep I was definitely in here, telling the truth" then she looked at the other girl and just gave me a stamp. Booyah, avoided $5 cover.

Rolled up to 3 seated girls and sat down with them, they weren't down, then their friend came up and accused me of stealing her seat. I'm completely sober and I have no desire to argue with drunks so I just peace out. I see this complete CUTIE just standing there with her friend so go up, put my arm around her, tell her she's adorable and that I had to meet her. Her eyes totally lit up and was stoked to see me, we exchanged names and more playful hugging and holding and shit ensued. They wanted me to go to the front of the bar so they could order drinks from them. I told them I'm not their butler, however relevant that is. Anyway I decided to myself that I'd show off my cool flashlight trick to them and said I'd lead them to the front but I wouldn't get them drinks. So I shine the light start booming "Move Scuse Me Outta the Way" everyone moves, I get right to the bar, (there was a huge crowd around the bar) with my honies, and some dude who I pushed in front and in between him and his girl asks "yo so what did you want... are you just ordering a drink... you're not even a bouncer??" at this point I'm cracking up saying "I just have a flashlight man, that's it" and this dude is elated he's like "I'm not even mad! I'm impressed, I'm bringing a fucking flashlight next time" I slap him five and it's all good but I notice some chodes are encroaching on my girl and her friend so I have to constantly keep turning her around and hugging her in and what not, but in the end it's not worth it because I lost her friend and friends always stick together, cunts.

After that I see this total stunner, like a 9 in my books, like 5'8", blonde, bright blue eyes, sexy body, total smoke show bomb shell. she's with a brunette friend who my buddy dave opens up and then I go for the blonde, grab her hand and raise it above our heads to initiate a dance spin thing and just start chanting "SPIN SPIN SPIN" so she spins around, starts laughing and is super stoked. I pull her into me and start calling her a salsa dancer and telling her how good she is at that. Then she goes to shake my hand and tells me her name is Paula I tell her "I don't do that" then hug her, lift her up and spin around (spinhug move), she's absolutely loving it! At this point I just pull her in and our crotches are just sort of rocking against eachother and it's total love bubble at this point.

Then I look over and her brunette friend is pulling her to the bar but I just keep holding on and making her hold eye contact, the brunette gives up and peaces out, so I thought. She comes back with 2 fat dykes who both grab my girl start yanking her from me, I'm trying to be as nice as possible introducing myself telling the two fatties they can't leave cause we're not friends yet, the bitch responds "I don't fucking care who are you! I'm taking my friend to the fucking bar to get a drink!" total bitch! My friend is just looking all sad getting dragged away by 3 dragons.

I attempted the spin hug move on a girl in a group of 3 girls, she's like freaking out and kicking and shit because there was no intro, just me man handling her. She seems taken aback but laughing at the same time afterwards, both her friends have their backs turned and she's pretty pissed with me. I tell her that I was just testing social boundaries and was pleased I got away without a slap, then kind of walked away (total chode, but this girl wasn't really good looking, it seems the hotter they are the more outlandish the shit you can do)

I see Paula again like 10 minutes later (after accidentally elbowing a girl in the face on the dance floor) She's waiting for a huge crowd to disperse, it isn't moving, the bar is so packd noone can move, so I go "yo do you want to get across that crowd really fast?"
She's obviously stoked on the idea, so I whip out the old flashlight trick, crowds part, she's amazed, pull her in for more 1 on1 , starting to get a boner at this point and just holding her against me (Purposefully not going for the makeout to build tension, I've pointlessly made out with enough girls in bars and clubs to realize it often leads nowhere, I'd rather let that fire of love-tension just burn between us). She's pawing and giving the eyes of desire etc. Some chode comes up and starts talking to her, some friend douche, I knew he wasn't a threat so I just chilled there giving her a "knowing grin" while this doder kept talking, I pulled her away asked "who was that weird douche?" apparently it was a friend of her sister's and she doesn't like him.
Anyway my ride informs me that we have to go really soon, so as I'm talking to Paula 2 MORE of her friends, new friends, start dragging her away by the arms again, at this point I just say fuck it and accept the fact that I have to leave in 5 minutes. If I had a full night I could have pulled this girl but it would have been an insanely tough struggle with friends pulling her away at all corners.
Anyway, left the place, there was still a huge lineup outside as we were leaving and when they asked me why I left I said "Me and my buddy both fucked strippers in the washroom so there's no point in staying!" and some dude is like "NICE!"
Peace out homies.

Broliver Presents: Failing to pee with 21 years experience.

Well, after drinking all this G2 Gatorade (there was a promotional event at the local university with some poorly guarded drinks, my friend and I ended up taking well over 60 bottles worth of drinks, 24 of them being G2 Gatorade) nature called and I felt I should go relieve myself in the washroom. After painfully popping a rather bothersome zit on my chin that I attempted earlier today I decided I'd reward myself with a nice quick and easy piss.

The stream starts no trouble, aim is correct, everything is going smoothly. I decide now is a good time to spit, I like spitting the toilet while I pee, it feels like I'm just getting it all out. So I go to hock the phlegm in my throat and instead of staying in my mouth it kind of just launches right out and lands on my hand, so I'm holding my dick and there's a big wad of phlegm hanging off of my knuckle, I decided to get creative, switched hands and thought that if I caught the bottom half of the loogie mid-stream the pressure from the pee would encourage the loogie to separate from my knuckle and be sent home into the toilet.

What happened was the stream hit the target properly, but just covered it in urine and the pressure from the piss launched the loogie back like a child on a swing so now I have a piss soaked loogie all over my hand. I am very disappointed at this point. I don't let it get me upset though. I finish peeing (or so I thought) and grab a piece of toilet paper and wipe my hand off. As I'm getting the last few drops out my dick is not aiming downwards but more straight ahead and for some reason one final shot of piss just sprays out going all over the toilet lid and wall.

How does this shit happen? Am I such a horrible person to deserve random pranks from God like this? Just awful. Anyway I cleaned up my piss and just felt pretty down about not even being able to pee properly at 21 years old. One day I'll get the hang of it.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Broliver presents: Worthless Wednesday

Good eve, brothers
Well tonight I decided to hit the town solo and basically sober. I had a couple light cocktails comprised of vodka and G2. An absolutely atrocious drink, I assure you. My friend Dave has work early so he went to bed, I decided to pop on some lesbian porn, courtesy of and then head out into the night. I said "HI" to some cute jogger running past for a midnight run, she ignored me, I laughed. I went into the club using my week old wristband as proof of being there that same night (not even same colored band, fucking idiots). I saw the place was entirely empty, first two girls I see are pretty chubby but just chilling alone, I talk to them, girl shows me tattoo on upper thigh, we chat about bullshit, I decide they aren't hot at all, they go for drinks and tell me they'll be right back, I walk away to find the other 2 girls who are in this dead club. We banter and bullshit for a while, name exchange, story telling etc. they aren't attractive I finish talking to them. Go see some actual attractive women, talk to them they completely ignore me as I'm talking right in their face, I love how polite women are in clubs :D
There was one girl that was talking to for a bit and getting intimate and then she tells me how she's bored so I offered to fuck her on the dance floor, the conversation went kind of lke this:
m: okay let's go fuck on the dance floor, that'll shake things up
h: oh my god NO!!! (while giggling)
m: okay, nott yet the, I can wait
h: no, never, I'm in a relationship! I have a boyfriend!
m: okay, I guess we'll have to bang in the washroom, not my first pick, it's not exactly clean
This kind of went on for a while but the message was clear, she was in a loving relationship and didn't want to engage in intercourse inside or around the club.
They're friend (male) sees this and kind of just gives me a shrug and a look like "yeah they're cunts but what are you gonna do" I shake his hand and walk away.
I leave the club and find a German and Australian dude who are planning on going on. This goes bad because every girl I decide to meet the australian guy just intervenes in and goes off on his Aussie accent charade and then eventually ruins it for himself, this happened like 3 times.

Oh before leaving the club I saw this big group of fit girls and picked my favorite, went up and started talking to her, she gave me a few tests but just blew through that shit and started rubbing her side and pulling her in and what not. She seemed very down but her friends were all gathered around us chanting some shit like "PLAYER PLAYER" or something equally disruptive. So she says "I'm sorry my friends are making this too embarrassing" anyway, shit times ensure they tell me it's girls night out and a bunch of other crap, that's when I went out.

Continuing with Aussie dude, fuck him, douche bag, I did some tequila shots with them though, $3 shots wasn't bad so I thought I'd have one.

Anyway I'll spare you guys the boring details but this whole trend continued, either getting completely dismissed immediately or having the chicks talk for a while or just walking away or anything but success. Ended up smoking weed with some weird dude who claims he used to live in Mission and some other antics ensued. Anyway, nothing really blog worthy but I decided if I figure this blog needs updatinz so why not?!
(Just realized my mistake, I didn't notice that the pants were with me in spirit, next time)

p.s I'm still not welcome at the Alehouse, I must have fucked up real bad.

It's like how it was in Reykjavik...from my ass.

Noxious fumes and toxic airborn chemicals have been releasing themselves from my posterior three days since the original catastrophic shit magma explosion. Yes, this is similar to what happened in Iceland, except no flights are being delayed. Just conversations.

That is your Brother Paul's Fecal Fact Update!

Stand by for more in the upcoming months!

Coming soon: A new show about the fact that I can't abstain from sex...
Tune in next week for the all new Brother Paul's: SEXcapades and SEXessful SEXplorations! Where I tell you how many of the volunteers I get to intercourse with. In their vaginas!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Bowel troubles. Rectal Pompeii!

As many of you know, I am a frequent passer of bowel movements. Well today I thought I was going to have a regular day of 4 movements. Little did I know that, things were going to change, they would change for the worst.

At around... six or also could have been five. I was Fbook chatting with Brother Moumin, then all of the sudden a pressure in my gut hit me like when I was punched in the face for sleeping someones girlfriend, except it wasn't a punch in my face it was a punch in my shit maker.

Brothers I will not spare you any information. I ran to the toilet pulled down my pants and out my ass exploded a volcano.
OHH oh brothers how I regret eating green chili salsa. Brothers! I Regret! I regret eating chorizo sausages today! I am in pain my brothers. My anus is crying! She hates me for adding Siracha to my eggs in the morning.

After that fifth movement of spicy fecal magma, followed three more movements of liquid fire!

Bringing my shit tally for the day to eight.

I sure as shit(That's a fucking pun! Laugh!) hope that I don't have to dump as much on my trip...though something tells me I'm going to.

Brother Paul
-Stercus accidit

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Broliver Presents: Tragic Weekend

Evening brothership,
So Friday, I decide to start the night off by eating some Dexedrine, then drinking a lot of Vodka, then smoking some weed, then snorting some Dexedrine, it's safe to say at this point I'm feeling quite crispy. We go to a bar, on the way meet some cute girls try to get them in but they're 18 and the bouncers don't let us persuade them, cunts. Anyway, the bar is the destination, not the women so we say our farewells and pay the $3 cover (My friend was currently on a 1 year ban at this bar so he didn't want to gain heat by trying to sneak in). Anyway, cruised around the bar, chatted up womenz, failed for the most part, danced around like a retard, then the bouncers remember my friend from last St. Patties day, where he fucked up so bad they still remembered him and told him he had to wait 3 months to return. Bullshit. We sneak into rez, hit up parties, steal booze, peace out to hit other bars, one dude with us was 18 for some reason but had a fake ID so we had to sort of just settle on the clubs that would let the guy in. I'm having trouble piecing any of this night together but I'm trying, I remember an angry fat girl punching me in the face with a flat palm (very strange, I wasn't really upset or confused, this kind of shit has happened so much I kind of just sat there with an 'it is what it is' look on my face")

Apparently she decided to strike me because of some off-hand comment I made to her ex-anorexic girl about the outfit she was wearing, confused me because the girl was hot as hell, women need to learn to build some basic self-esteem and not give a fuck. Anyway, ate some hot dogs or some shit and peace it back to the crib.

Saturday was horrible, it consisted of going out borderline sober and talking to every girl I saw. The one interaction was this decent looking chick with cute glasses and huge cleavage popping out. I was busting on her for texting in a club and she was telling me how her boyfriend in Alberta wouldn't stop sending her messages, I disregarded this comment and started physically esclating fast, she seemed down as fuck. We were getting really close, whispering in eachothers ears, I was telling her she's my sexy librarian and rubbing my boner against her thigh, then her friend saw what was going on and freaked out (I'm assuming because she was worried about this girl cheating on some chode boyfriend) so yeah, this bitch totally pulls my girl away, ruins everything for everyone and then the girl tells me that she'll be "good to go in a month" whatever that means. Fuck it.
Anyway night goes on, I smoked some weed with these fat girls in the street lol, made fun of chodes, kept approaching women and getting shut down hard core. Pretty dismal yuck times, gotta say. Oh well, the pants were with me and it was somewhat of an adventure. All good. Also no cover was paid and I found a toonie in the club so can't really complain.

p.s. Russian Prince Vodka is my new go-to booze, I believe they save money on packaging because they use a cheap shampoo-like-plastic bottle because it's dirt cheap and actually very decent, perfect for mixing. Try this: 50/50 vodka and peach cocktail shaken with ice. Bam!
Long live the pantz.

Went out again, found this super crowded bar but it had a $6 cover and line. So I scoped it out, walked over a chain link fence to the patio and walked right the fuck in. I was sober and this place was packed to the rafters, chatted up some women, turned out they were over 30 and shit, moving on! Kept talking to girls with no real luck, got some hugs and good physical escalation but my honeys just kept running off into the night for bullshit reasons, it's all good, fun times. You couldn't even walk to one side of the bar to the other but I found a caveat, I was wearing a plain black t-shirt, along with sporting a shaved dome, I decided I would pretend to be a bouncer so I took out this little LED flashlight I have on my key, put it up in the air and point it at people in front me and shout "MOVE, CLEAR THE WAY, MOVE" and like fucking Moses parting the Red sea these chodes would just move out of the way, fucking great time doing this, highly recommended, and the bouncers like it because it helps keep order. Anyway we were only in the bar for like 40 minutes because my buddy has work early tomorrow, but it was a great time. More adventures tomorrow!

Also, just remembered we decided to check out Alehouse before the other bar, we get there, the bouncer looks at us and says "Go somewheres else boys, I don't want you here", yes he said "Somewheres", the same thing he said to us on Wednesday, I've slowly been able to piece together that this particular bouncer witnessed some horrible shenanigans cause by my friend and I on the drunken night of Tuesday. I have a vague memory of asking an employee in some weird German leiderhosen outfit if that was the outfit he wore while sucking dick and continually accused him of being a faggot. I think there was also some conflict with the bouncer afterwards. I've been in Halifax for not even a week and I'm banned from certain bars. Great.

How to kiss a girl right off the street in 12 mins!

After trying to jack off to Rhona Mitra for the fourth time in a row and failing, i've decided to updated my dear brethren on my latest happenings.

This week I settled in to my new place and acquired a new goal. I can no longer fantasize about a lost stripper arriving at my doorstep, all wet from the rain, and in need of food and shelter and hard ass pounding. Instead, i have decided to go on the search for an MLTF. Preferably in the form of a study buddy. After googling how to pick up girls at school i found this and it blew up my balls.

I hope to learn from this dude, and will report my successes/failures to my fellow brethren

All the Beast,
Brother Moe

Another Successful Weekend


alas I have a story worthy enough of being shared. Albeit this oliver your stories always seem to amaze me the most. Edmunston seems to be quite a bore. But with you and your chaos it'll be a new hell in Canada.

My weekend started on monday, while school started on wednesday, and brother jason visited on thursday. Our nights commenced with fires roaring across the night sky while the wavering of dragons and their shimmering silver tails displayed an unfathomable aura. Testosterone was out the roof this weekend so much so that nearly two fights broke out and our house caught on fire.
Thursday was a day full of recklessness. We commenced our nights with 151 and Ice Tea. And eventually made our way down to a club called sugar, only the most retarded and busiest place on a thursday night with lineups going down the street. Fortunately for me I had friends who threw me on the guestlist and I managed to get in within a minute of waiting whereas my roomates had to wait about an hour or so. If there was ever a place where the term "there's plenty of fish in the sea" applied it would be at this club. It was a sess pool of beautiful women, very sweaty beautiful women. But then again I was sweating like a mad man using my friends flannel shirt at certain points in the night as a sweat towel. I was told that a couple of people I somewhat knew were on MDMA only the most hazardous and dangerous drug in the world that no one should ever do because after doing it only once you hate your family, try crystal meth and commit suicide. The liquor kept piercing through my veins for Hi-balls were only 3.25. I need to stop bringing cash to places like this because I'm an idiot who buys drinks for everyone. Even people I've only met and spoke to for 5 minutes. Well I could keep rambling about my time at this club but from here on out I think we all know what happened. On my way out though I see brother jason getting dragged out by a bouncer, oh was there a situation after this but I'm sure he'll tell you all about it in his upcoming first post. Some portion of my night consisted of me calming him down while trying to find a taxi which surprisingly didn't take very long.

The following day which I now believe to be friday, consisted of the same thing we try and do every night "Try and Take Over The World". no but this night was quite tamed just had a couple of drinks, relaxed. Our original plan consisted of us going downtown but after waiting for a couple of minutes at the bus stop we realized that we would take it easy, drink at home and not worry about the hassle of travel. Overall it was your less than average night in victoria but when we all got home david cooked some bacon which smelled amazing.

Now this was Brother jasons last night here(saturday). We all decided that for a night such as this we needed to get blackout drunk. My friend told me of a fraternity rush event at his place that we attended. The theme was tight and bright. Prior to this event we had several games of beer pong at home, some electro music in the background, and absolutely no women. Just raging testosterone. Anyways after several games of beer pong we were all somewhat drunk. We waited at the bus stop to get to this party for about 30 minutes and realized that the bus didn't even go to that general area, so we took a taxi there. To be honest I don't even remember who I took the taxi with anymore I think it was just me and scott, I could be wrong. The party was loads of fun, it was 10 dollars to get in but there was tons of free drinks, a mass of people all dressed up, and many gorgeous women. I wore this bright neon jacket looking thing but regretted it for it was quite hot in there. I eventually did take it off but the girls digged it. It was another night of dancing, meeting a bunch of new faces. A successful night for the whole lot of the brothers. Well Mainly 4 of us. On our way home someone mentioned some racial slurs to me or at least we think that's what happened and David almost killed the guy (Literally), at the nick of time we grabbed a cab as it drove by just barely avoiding the confrontation that would have turned out to be disastrous. At this point we were all incredibly wasted, so we came home drank more and passed out, but not before we stink bombed ian's room, cooked an entire pizza, made two packets of bacon(oh god was it delicious).
I hope to hear of all your stories, but for now I leave you with my current state, that of which consists of vomite, dready eyes, and a stomach which feels quite unsettled from the liquor. It somewhat speaks for itself, but I gotta go find my bathing suit, it's time for a swim, hotub, and sauna. A nice little detox before I get on with my plentiful week of homework.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Broliver Presents: Helpless in Halifax.

Dear Brethren,
As I earlier stated I would leave Montreal to drive to the Maritime town of Halifax.

My friend Dave and I ventured forth, two men spawned of concrete and smoke, with clear minds, damaged livers and 1L bottles of Oasis juice. Goddamn the Oasis flowed like wine in an ancient Greek orgy.

The drive to Edmunston, NB was mostly uneventful, upon arriving we decided to discover the legendary nightlife of Edmunston, it was a Sunday, a long-weekend Sunday. The strange looking ham-hock at the counter directed us to the bar district, which was in actuality in another town because the actual township of Edmunston had absolutely not bar scene whatsoever. After a quick 15 minute cruise in the Chariot we arrived at the directed destination. It was a single bar, with maybe 15 people in their mid-50's milling around, colorfully speaking in French, apparently NB is quite French. I was confused by their nonsensical gibberish. I also noticed some signs alluding to a "beerfest" inside. To my delight I found several tables with different beers and descriptions and taster glasses, I decided to drink as much as I could as fast as I could, it seemed logical and warranted some strange looks from the locals. Dave emerged from the bathroom looking shocked, he had just read the advertisement for tonight's event and it was a $30 cover charge for the beer tasting, upon realizing this we left before some sort of confrontation broke out. We continued to drive around Edmunston, attempting to get into residence and screaming things such as "Fuck Edmunstons!". We then put on girls gone wild and went to sleep.

The next day we stopped at a couple Casinos, realized how depressed the gambling crowd is and continued on with the adventure. The next day in Halifax we attended several keg-parties, I successfully downed a pitcher of beer through a 20-something foot beer-bong that dangled from the roof of the house. Witnesses were impressed. Games of flip-cup were conquered, memories became hazy and cops broke everything up.

Since arriving in Halifax I've gone out every night in a quest to indulge in some prime, young, maritime CUNT. To no avail thus far but the efforts have been noteworthy. I've also discovered the secret to getting into almost anything you want, first off if there is a line you should never dare to stand in that shit. You must walk past the entire thing like a baws, and if it's an inexperienced doorman like at a party or some sort of student rave you simply just rip past them without engaging eye contact or acknowledging their existence, they will probably say something to you at this point and you ignore it and keep going, it won't be worth their effort.
Bouncers at bars and clubs require a little more skill, but for the most part you must bombard them with random facts and irrelevant information "I have OCD I can't help it, everytime I get a stamp I immediately scrub it off in the washroom, my shoes are brown tonight, this club is my home etc."

Using those somewhat obvious tactics I've been able to get into everything except for one bar last night since I've been here, which is around 6 different venues and a few in Montreal. Plus it adds an element of adventure and fun to the night.

Anyway so I got here on Tuesday, that night was complete mayhem, it included 2 keg parties getting busted up by police, kereokee (I sang Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, it was beyond epic, my friend did Don't Want to Miss a Thing and got gonged off stage), getting banned from the residence multiple times and having the police called on us (we were urinating on stuff and tearing down posters, juvenile antics at their best) and some girl decided to draw a face of a dog on my arm in a strange way by describing each bit as a man being stranded on an island, I can't describe it through text and it confused and angered me so I drew a man shooting himself in the head on her arm, it made me feel better.

I also remember going into a dorm, hooking speakers up to the people's laptop and putting Animal Rights, Wolfgang's and Deadmau5's new collab on and leaving. What a nice guy I am eh?

Anyways the next night involved more ridiculous shenanigans like walking past a 30 minute or so line and straight into this student-type rave thing without paying the cover, making out with some random raver chick for a while and then peacing out to the bars. Bars were dead but we saw two girls in the street and somehow convinced them to come back to our place within like 15 mins, smoked some weed but I guess it kind of all happened too fast for the girls and they panicked and left.

So yeah, Halifax is madness, tonight should lead to some new adventures and I'll always remember those pants are on me in spirit, I hope to one day wear them, but I don't even come close to fitting into a size 29, I don't think my bone structure allows for that, but that's irrelevant.

Stoked to see you guys, and excited to meet the rest of my brethren that I am not so well acquainted with, I 'm sure we will make the bestest of bros.

Long live the pantz.

If you read this random rambling comment on it and then post a similarly lengthed rambling on your last couple days, regardless of how uneventful, just let us know what's up. I know I didn't create this blog (thank you, Naresh) but I feel we all must post some detailed information about our lives to let one another know what's going on.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

They Do Exist

Brothers and Brother fan club,

The pants are not figurative, they are a real pair of magical pants. No one knows where they originated but they are currently in my posession . You are never truly alone when you have the pants and when you wear them it is like all the brothers are in your pants at once.

Yesterday was my first day at University and I was a little uneasy about it all. All these thoughts were racing through my head "what if I'm not smart enough?" "what if I forget to bring a pencil?" "what if they find out I'm mixed race, and neither the blacks or the whites want to be my friends?"
I really didn't want to go at all, but mom made me hot cocoa and drew me a bath to get my head in check. Once my head was in check the answer was in the bag or should I say "In the Pants". I put on the pants and right away I had a surge of confidence, I felt like Hugh Grant in the movies(perfect). Although they are a mere 29inch waist The pants were an exceptional fit and my day seemed to go off without a hitch.


Brother Mitch

PS. Just like Hugh Grant, a few pretty girls smiled at me and seemed pretty "DTF".

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Week Before School Started

To My Fellow Brothereon's

This week has been wonderful. Tomorrow will be my first day of school and I'm not looking forward to it. I wish life consisted of all of us just staying at the age of 21 living in victoria townhouse with a bunch of friends for the rest of our lives. It's actually a lot better than it sounds. Albeit this, we would also need everything to be free to maintain a rich and fun-filled lifestyle. For the most part I've just been going clubbing. Yesterday I went to a house party. The house party really sucked so my roommate David and I took a bus downtown fairly late and danced the night away at a club called hush. The place was so hot you were practically in a sauna. I woke up this morning and grabbed my t-shirt and jeans, they both stunk and the shirt is still wet (Everyone was this sweaty). There were many interesting people there, some random 50 year old thought I was gay, so I just went with it. Brother Ryland I remember when we saw Wolfgang Gartner and you pulled the booze in a bush idea and had something to drink once the show was over at 4 am. I will attempt that this friday hopefully it pan's out. For those of you that get this in time there is a brotherhood conference call via skype tonight at 8pm.

Brother Naresh

Monday, September 6, 2010

My shweekend


I met one of the most attractive asian girls I've ever seen last night. Thats all. First years look like little children for some reason, even though I'm only 2 years older. Designer Drugs is amazing live but fuck tall ppl, sorry to those who are tall but the guy behind me jacked 2 tshirts that i jumped as hard as i could for, they were mine, I had them on my finger tips. I got a sticker that says "SEX CULT" Donno what it means but i like it, so now its on my mac. I've discovered that its a great idea to buy booze and hide it outside of clubs/ bars. So when you leave you have a lovely surprise waiting, so far I ain't been jacked. The cambie is sweet.

Take your furry fur off. I can't it's made of fur. Bitch well then wack me off.

Brother Ryland

Updates from Kingston

Dearest Bretheren,
It is I, Brother Jake, with updates from the far East.
I have no idea why I came back so early, school doesn't even start untill the 13th, and I've already been here at least a week and a half.  But all is well.  I have infultrated the college radio station, and now host a show, which airs every thursday on cfrc at 10am(eastern standard time) or 7-8:30(pacific standard time).



Carson if your post is retarded, then you are barred from the brotherhood.... I mean it.

An example of retarded:

" Guys, u know whats better than Brotherhoods? Cults. As long as you're a founding member."

Retarded: An "unofficial" (not recognized by dictionaries) slang descriptor for a person/thing/action/object, etc., or a combination of, which is one or more of the following:

a waste of time, abandoned, abject, abominable, abortive, absurd etc...

All posts must meet the utmost of quality.

To Seek, To Find, and Not to Yield...especially when shes DTF

Dear Fellow Brethren,

I sit infront of my window on this wet Monday afternoon, reluctant to step out side without my white stead for the first time since I have moved away from the grey beach. I must go to the market today and gather food and supplies for the journey that begins tomorrow. I am to attend the College of Langara and will be studying the various arts of language, thought, and culture. Although I shall be hard at work brainwashing myself to think like the rest of the world, My main focus will still be on finding and categorizing the various female acquaintances types as they come.
The DTF types Brother Paul and I have recently discovered:

MLTF- Most likely To Fuck
NALPTF- Needs a Little Push to Fuck
NRTF- Needs Roofies to Fuck
NARTF- Needs a Relationship To Fuck
NFTF- Needs a Friendship to Fuck
NSEATF- Needs Self Esteem Approval To Fuck.
WNF- Will Never Fuck
WAFA- Will Always Fuck Anyone
WOBYFTFWD- Will Only Be Your Friend Then Fuck When Drunk.

Please add to the list as you come across new kinds.

All The Best,
Brother Moe

Brotherly Challenge #1:
WHO WILL BE THE ONE TO DE-VIRGINIZE THE TRAVELLING PANTS? * get laid with them, not jack off with them on.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Brotherhood Update

Guys, u know whats better than Brotherhoods? Cults. As long as you're a founding member.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Greetings Brothers

Dear Brothers,

After two years working my insurance job I am returning to school. I will be attending the prestigious Kwantlen University, with a final goal of becoming a foot model. If this does not pan out I plan to work at the local Safeway. I will keep you updated with my escapades and I look forward to hearing about yours.


Brother Mitch

Two weeks notice.

I write to you my brothers, two weeks before my departure. I leave for the continent of Africa, where it is speculated that all human life started.

Ghana, a small democratic country in west Africa is my destination. Though they have a low(relatively speaking) aids prevelance of 5%, I have taken it under advisement to Text Colorabstain from erotic pleasures for my six and a half month stay. I was counselled to not co-mingle with the volunteers either. Because "Any girl who volunteers to you Paul, also volunteers to everyone else."

Once a month, or once every two month I will be reporting to you my Brothers.

-Merda taurorum animas conturbit
Dear Brothers,
This is Naresh reporting in. Today is the day I depart for Victoria. I am looking forward to the most wonderful of ferry rides starting from the Mainland of Vancouver which drifts along a beautiful region of the pacific ocean, with it's murky black waters all the way to the capital and heart of BC. Oh how I look forward to this ferry ride, sometimes when I poke my head out to see the monstrous ocean I can see the most spectacular of sights those of which include driftwood, and seaweed. Personally I'm quite excited for long waits in docking and arrival periods. If you plan it out carefully you can actually be outta of the ferry in a mere 15 minutes!!!! I will keep you posted in the coming day's also let me know if you think I should make this blog private brothers.
Dear brothers,
I am currently stationed in Montreal, I have acquired a position shucking oysters/oggling gorgeous waitresses and concealing boners. I was invited on an epic road trip to party in Halifax not 3 moons ago, as you know I can not refuse travel invitations for they are dancing lessons from god.

I have hitch hiked across this vast country to find myself in this city of beautiful sluts and hot poutine. I will be returning home in a fort night and we shall re-unite, dance, drink and ring in the new.

Hail atlantas.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants. Phase 1

This is the commencement of the brotherhood For now I have a spare pair of pants that I will write my note on. Mitch will be taking this home today. This is no ordinary pants, for this is a magical pair and fits all of us. In the year span that we are all away and not able to see each other we will all aquire the pants at one point. We will write notes via pants .....