Monday, September 13, 2010

Bowel troubles. Rectal Pompeii!

As many of you know, I am a frequent passer of bowel movements. Well today I thought I was going to have a regular day of 4 movements. Little did I know that, things were going to change, they would change for the worst.

At around... six or also could have been five. I was Fbook chatting with Brother Moumin, then all of the sudden a pressure in my gut hit me like when I was punched in the face for sleeping someones girlfriend, except it wasn't a punch in my face it was a punch in my shit maker.

Brothers I will not spare you any information. I ran to the toilet pulled down my pants and out my ass exploded a volcano.
OHH oh brothers how I regret eating green chili salsa. Brothers! I Regret! I regret eating chorizo sausages today! I am in pain my brothers. My anus is crying! She hates me for adding Siracha to my eggs in the morning.

After that fifth movement of spicy fecal magma, followed three more movements of liquid fire!

Bringing my shit tally for the day to eight.

I sure as shit(That's a fucking pun! Laugh!) hope that I don't have to dump as much on my trip...though something tells me I'm going to.

Brother Paul
-Stercus accidit


  1. Please! Details On This Bowel Movement. The Brothers Need to Know

  2. Holy shit Brother Paul, literally. I share your pain my friend, I usually shit 4-5 times a day as well, I blame it on my lactose intolerance and the fact that I disregard it completely. Yesterday I actually shit in my pants a little bit, farting is like russian roulette.

    The worst shits I've experienced though were from this deadly combination:
    A 40 of 10.1% Molson, followed by a heaping pile of $2 ChowMein, which is just shitty noodles covered in melted peanut butter and then loaded sky high with Sriracha, that will move through your system at break-neck speed and come out like the Volcano in Yellowstone that's been waiting to erupt. I actually put an icecube in between my butt cheeks after one rather unusually painful shite.
    Alas, we will never learn our lesson, will we?

  3. Bruder Oliver,

    It's good to know there are other frequent shitters out there. We won't learn from the mistakes we make. Food, booze, spice and milk are all too good to pass up on.

    My worst was literally toxic waste from my ass, it was almost black and smelt like death, it was after a night of profuse drinking vodka,beer,tequila,whiskey, mixed drinks etc, 8 eggs three uncooked burgers, plus countless amounts of hot sauce up till about 230 when I stopped remembering and recal only walking into my room at about 4.
    A brutal concoction.