Sunday, September 12, 2010

Broliver Presents: Tragic Weekend

Evening brothership,
So Friday, I decide to start the night off by eating some Dexedrine, then drinking a lot of Vodka, then smoking some weed, then snorting some Dexedrine, it's safe to say at this point I'm feeling quite crispy. We go to a bar, on the way meet some cute girls try to get them in but they're 18 and the bouncers don't let us persuade them, cunts. Anyway, the bar is the destination, not the women so we say our farewells and pay the $3 cover (My friend was currently on a 1 year ban at this bar so he didn't want to gain heat by trying to sneak in). Anyway, cruised around the bar, chatted up womenz, failed for the most part, danced around like a retard, then the bouncers remember my friend from last St. Patties day, where he fucked up so bad they still remembered him and told him he had to wait 3 months to return. Bullshit. We sneak into rez, hit up parties, steal booze, peace out to hit other bars, one dude with us was 18 for some reason but had a fake ID so we had to sort of just settle on the clubs that would let the guy in. I'm having trouble piecing any of this night together but I'm trying, I remember an angry fat girl punching me in the face with a flat palm (very strange, I wasn't really upset or confused, this kind of shit has happened so much I kind of just sat there with an 'it is what it is' look on my face")

Apparently she decided to strike me because of some off-hand comment I made to her ex-anorexic girl about the outfit she was wearing, confused me because the girl was hot as hell, women need to learn to build some basic self-esteem and not give a fuck. Anyway, ate some hot dogs or some shit and peace it back to the crib.

Saturday was horrible, it consisted of going out borderline sober and talking to every girl I saw. The one interaction was this decent looking chick with cute glasses and huge cleavage popping out. I was busting on her for texting in a club and she was telling me how her boyfriend in Alberta wouldn't stop sending her messages, I disregarded this comment and started physically esclating fast, she seemed down as fuck. We were getting really close, whispering in eachothers ears, I was telling her she's my sexy librarian and rubbing my boner against her thigh, then her friend saw what was going on and freaked out (I'm assuming because she was worried about this girl cheating on some chode boyfriend) so yeah, this bitch totally pulls my girl away, ruins everything for everyone and then the girl tells me that she'll be "good to go in a month" whatever that means. Fuck it.
Anyway night goes on, I smoked some weed with these fat girls in the street lol, made fun of chodes, kept approaching women and getting shut down hard core. Pretty dismal yuck times, gotta say. Oh well, the pants were with me and it was somewhat of an adventure. All good. Also no cover was paid and I found a toonie in the club so can't really complain.

p.s. Russian Prince Vodka is my new go-to booze, I believe they save money on packaging because they use a cheap shampoo-like-plastic bottle because it's dirt cheap and actually very decent, perfect for mixing. Try this: 50/50 vodka and peach cocktail shaken with ice. Bam!
Long live the pantz.

Went out again, found this super crowded bar but it had a $6 cover and line. So I scoped it out, walked over a chain link fence to the patio and walked right the fuck in. I was sober and this place was packed to the rafters, chatted up some women, turned out they were over 30 and shit, moving on! Kept talking to girls with no real luck, got some hugs and good physical escalation but my honeys just kept running off into the night for bullshit reasons, it's all good, fun times. You couldn't even walk to one side of the bar to the other but I found a caveat, I was wearing a plain black t-shirt, along with sporting a shaved dome, I decided I would pretend to be a bouncer so I took out this little LED flashlight I have on my key, put it up in the air and point it at people in front me and shout "MOVE, CLEAR THE WAY, MOVE" and like fucking Moses parting the Red sea these chodes would just move out of the way, fucking great time doing this, highly recommended, and the bouncers like it because it helps keep order. Anyway we were only in the bar for like 40 minutes because my buddy has work early tomorrow, but it was a great time. More adventures tomorrow!

Also, just remembered we decided to check out Alehouse before the other bar, we get there, the bouncer looks at us and says "Go somewheres else boys, I don't want you here", yes he said "Somewheres", the same thing he said to us on Wednesday, I've slowly been able to piece together that this particular bouncer witnessed some horrible shenanigans cause by my friend and I on the drunken night of Tuesday. I have a vague memory of asking an employee in some weird German leiderhosen outfit if that was the outfit he wore while sucking dick and continually accused him of being a faggot. I think there was also some conflict with the bouncer afterwards. I've been in Halifax for not even a week and I'm banned from certain bars. Great.


  1. After reading your posts, I realize that I really need to get out more.

  2. Ollie! Text me when you're in Toronto. We'll drink something nicer than Russian Prince.

  3. Yo drew, chances are I won't be in Toronto for a long ass time but I'll see!