Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Baddest Mother Fucker who actually lives.



john lennon + kimbo slice + samuel l jackson x GQ

he just made obama look like bush.

chuck norris is his bitch.

he spars with the hulk.

if only they made him in street fighter.

the world just got safer.
or
the world is going to end.

thats steel wool growing from his face.

the veins on his arms rolled up his sleeves.

his beard is the only real shelter from a nuclear attack.

he carries extra mean looks in his breast pockets.

khaki pants with cargo pockets sales just went up.

khaki pants with cargo pockets just became the rarest commodity on the planet... no wait.. they are extinct.

his black shoes undressed themselves as he put is foot in.

the black on his shoes ran away, scared shitless.

his shadow can take GSP ...in the dark.

those dudes in the back, want be him.

i want to be him.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Foot Passenger Exit

My Brothers,

Today was a good day. My finals are done. I'm on my way home for debauchery with the insane monkey clan, and I get to be with my family, friends and the most important thing in the world...my dog Flash (The Supreme being). Paul it's upsetting that you won't be here for the break but we'll make up for it in the near future. I'll probably see most of you tomorrow, but I'll be away in whistler for a couple days hoping to get some shredding in. On the 20th steve aoki is doing a show up at garfinkles also at whistler, pretty excited about that, gonna be a fucking crazy night with so many Australians(A very sweaty night as well ;)).

The other day I was doing some thinking and realized that this entire hipster fad is pretty pathetic. Then I saw a meme about hipsters that went something along the lines of "It Cost So Much, To Look This poor" and chuckled. Anyways enough of that, I have some important words. We are all over the age of 20 now, that means that in a couple of years we're really gonna have to settle down and start forming our lives for the future. I dread this day. So stop being so god damn boring. Do everything that is our of the norm, fuck with your life, but not to the extent where you fuck with your future. Some of your greatest memories will come in the next years. If we all live up to the norm of everything and follow it's trend what memories are you creating. For Example. "Yah I had diner with my girlfriend it was fantastic" That's fucking boring. But honestly, what have you done this year that was so out of the blue, so extraordinary I know some of you have stories that'll probably break the internet and I do as well. It's definitely brotherhood appropriate but not to the public that read this so I'll share when we are all together. What I'm trying to get at here, is for all of you to live your 20's to the fullest and stop being chodes and boring, you can do that in you're 30's. That's really it, I could keep rambling, but I don't want to sound as if I'm telling you what to do with you life because you all have your own jist of the way the world works and no one has to be philosopher to tell you this crap.

Now for a few words on my mind.

Oliver, sparring is a must. Mitch don't forget to pick me up from the ferry at 8:30. Carson I'm thankful I never have to drive you to the gym anymore. Moe, emma watson looks like a boy with short hair. Yazad, sauna?. Ryland don't forget to call me when your up on the mountain. Humza I don't know you but let's meet over the break. Kevin leave a post.Nick anymore Milf hookups and restraining orders? Paul how's the dragon? Navin leave a post. Jason, hope that broken hand is better. Brandon stop playing wow. Jake Freinds>Lisa.

I realize this post probably made me sound like a dick.

But in the end I love each and everyone of you to death.

My Parting Words: Always Wear a god damn rubber. No matter how good it might feel naked. The scare is not worth it. And Babies are gross.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Democrazy

I am staying in a democratic country right now, it's name is Ghana.

I used the term democracy lightly because, I know now, that it is a ri-fucking-diculous overstatement. At least in this country, probably many others.

This country is poor, though rich in natural resources( Which by the way according to the textbook, have been "...given to us by god so we may prosper.") Primarily the god given resources that attract expats from around the world are gold and oil.

Ghana as a whole does not see the money from this, the government does, and they should give back. Ghana's roads are in shit shape. Their "Government Hospitals" are the saddest motherfuckers I've ever seen. I would know I recently spent two nights in one.
The government should, give the money back. Will it, I don't fucking think so.

I was talking to a taxi driver as we drove from the town I stay in to the bigger one with the bank. I had purposely asked his opinion on the government and asked if I could write down what he said, he talked slowly so everything worked fine.
This is what he had to tell me. He swore lots, it was good to hear.

"This Politically men are no good for Ghana. They are shit for this country. My shit country, is poor. Because our president is bull shit and greedy. I donnot want to drive my shit car on his shit roads, he has all our money from gold and oil and he keeps it and gives to his friends, he is shit. His shit house, has 20 shit cars."

"So, this really isn't much of a democracy then." I stated.

"No this is shit! It is democrazy!"

Summing up what my driver said, what I have witnessed and been a part of. I would have to agree with him. The only real democratic part of this country is the fact that they still vote. But they have to vote from one dictator to another. This country votes for greedy men to fuck them over.

Ghana may be great, but from their point of view, and especially in regards to politics, "[It] is shit! It is democrazy!"


Brother Paul
Ghana Correspondent.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Ahoy Brothers.

Well my life is pretty bleak at the moment, unemployed and the friend who promised me that he'd move into Vancouver with me bailed. So right now looking for places with random people and trying to find work, but it's a fucked up catch 22, places won't hire me because I live too far away and would have no way home at night time and people don't want to recruit an unemployed room-mate, wat do /b/?

Anyway had a few fun weekends, went up to Whistler with some bros, snow time winter wonderland, got completely black out drunk on the Friday I have a few vague memories of some angry men pushing me around because I was lifting up and humping one of their women, I couldn't defend myself because I could barely stand. Bastards. I also remember being in the parking lot talking to a Police woman with my swimming shorts hiked up under my jacket so I looked nude, she accused me of being some sort of pervert. After supplying her with 100% fake information I got away with no form of ticket.

Next day was spent alternating between chilling in the hot tub and lying in the snow, such a damn good feeling, did that for like 5 hours straight. Then the heavy drinking started, I choked my friend so hard his nose bled, 2 people passed out before 9pm and then we went out clubbing. I avoided line by recognizing a promoter, then when she ushered me into the place where I pay cover I just waited for her to leave, left the cover area and just walked in the re-entrance, told the bouncer I know the owner and he just slapped me a stamp, good way to save $15 IMO. Had a ton of fun just dancing up a storm, saw some nervous chode so my friend and I lifted him up into an impromptu crowd surf, made out with a few random girls without getting their names, for the lulz. Basically just tore it up like a drunken hurricane and headed back for more hot tub and beer times, fell asleep on some wooden platform, damaged my knee as a result.

Victoria weekend was absolutely epic. Brother Ryland and I departed the mainland to be rejoined with Brother Naresh. I also discovered a gem of a drink, Sobieski vodka - same price as Smirnoff, better tasting than Grey Goose, I drank that shit straight all weekend. Nothing really went down Friday except for some bromenship, drinking and Naresh's roommate Ian and I went to a dead pub, hit on (read: completely invade the personal space of) some Japanese girls and then broke some shit on the walk home, classic.

Next day was spent hanging out, eating all you can eat chinese food (4 plates of meat), cooking Butternut squash and watching TUF finale, my boy Brookins won, he was my pick, good shit. Drinking was commenced and the fun began, on the way to downtown definitely invaded some personal space of many people, licked some random chodes face at the bus stop and he just didn't know what to do, freaked out to the max. Me and Scott walked towards traffic in a way that looked like we were going to get hit to just freak everyone the fuck out, classic game. Club was fun, lots of chodes, learned some funny lessons. If a guy is dancing with a girl that doesn't mean shit, countless times I just went up and grabbed a girl from a guy and started dancing with her without any form of opposition, also I think I need to slow down it down, I get too fucking ADD and just run around grabbing everyone, licking faces, making out and lifting people up. It probably looks like I'm on some form of amphetimine, I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out. Another thing is if some dude tries to talk to a girl you're currently engaging, just shove him away, no need for pointless banter and out-witting, a simple physical shove is all you need.

After the club I somehow uprooted a concrete drinking fountain from the sidewalk to the disbelief of some gawking onlookers, more destruction, ran through someone's fence etc.
Epic farewells and a good ferry ride home with Brother Ryland (aka sleepy, kid fell asleep like 10 times this trip).

Other than that I've only been listening to the Dubstep Artist Excision (coming to Vancouver Jan 20th, highly recommended) and was really happy with the results of K1's world grand prix, which was 10x more exciting than any UFC event. Also UFC 124 was pretty decent, Thiago Alves's standup is insane now, props to GSP for the jabfest.

Cheers brother, a meet up is necessary and imminent.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

month recap

(I originally started writing this monday but was in too much pain to finish, hence the choppy style)

Brothers,

As I sit here now I am high on painkillers for my infected jaw. Basically my wisdom teeth are coming in, because I am less evolved(being a negro hybrid) I have room for these in my mouth and they do not require removal, the other day though they got infected and I am now on codeine and antibiotics.

Lets start with three weekends ago: Friday I got invited to the red room by a friend of mine, I normally hate clubbing but I have been so bored lately that I agreed to go. I drank lots and danced a ton. The best thing in the world to do in the club when you're with girls is: when you're dancing with them leave a little space in between you and the girl, then when another guy starts making his move to dance with the girl(s) you're dancing with get real close and do ridiculous dance moves, then laugh while you watch him walk back to the sidelines. This night, we took the night bus from Vancouver to surrey. All I will say is never ever take this bus.

The next weekend on friday a friend of mine invited a few people over to watch some movies I agreed to had a UFC watching event at his house. I don't really enjoy the UFC but I do enjoy parties, I basically got blackout drunk and played with his pit-bull most of the night.(there is no hidden meaning here)

The following weekend I went to this girls birthday at a club called Fabric in gastown. Do not go to this club unless you have an asian fetish and like getting kicked in the balls by bouncers. basically we take a party bus downtown see this club with a big line up that we had cover waived for then when we got in the club was at half capacity, drinks were super expensive and everyone other than the crew I went with were asian. Towards the end of the night a buddy of mine was drunk and sitting at a table when the bouncers grabbed him and threw him out for no real reason, one of them even kneed him in the balls, he wasn't even resisting. I was super hammered and did a lot of things I wouldn't sober but I like makin some memories and war stories.

The next week is when my wisdom tooth infection flared up, I eventually got them pulled top avoid more infections and am already back to my usual antics this week. I hope to see some of your handsome faces over winter break.


My advice to you: every woman that ever sleeps with you is trying to eventually snare you into impregnating them, this is why you should always cum during foreplay.

Love,

Brother Mitch

Ps: post some shit up, even if your life is worthless.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Nothing is more boring than reading about altruism.

Brothers,

Bear with me on this.

At my placement in Ghana, I am teaching five classes a day. From Primary 3-6 and Junior High School 1-3. The age groups are generally mixed, from 6 at the lowest to 19. Even though the JHS 3 kids should be 14.

I teach P5 on Mondays and Wednesdays. I have been doing my best to drill grammar and composition into their heads. For the first month, I was making the children repeat the same lesson because every time they handed in an exercise they bombed. Proving to me they didn't process a thing. So week after week, I kept trying a different way to tell them that "Teacher" is not an adjective.

After a while they started picking it up, marks improved and we were able to move on.

Though there was this one girl who consistently had failing marks. I always gave her a little slack, hoping her marks would get better like the rest, that sadly did not happen.

What was weird was that she was always attentive in class, saying she understood and writing her notes. Eventually(last Wednesday) I came up to her and had a little talk, just asking her if she needed a hand with anything because her marks were very poor. She shook her head and said "Mistah Ai undastahn".
I then tried a little test, I asked her to take out her notes. Which took three attempts, each time I had to simplify until I was just saying "Notes. Out. Please. Notes.".

Given the difficulty I had getting her notes out I was fairly ready for what came next.
I looked at her note book and everything was written out fine, the writing was childish looking( So is mine).

Then I asked her to read, she stared at me blankly, so I pointed at the topic of her notes which was "Nouns and Pronouns". She looked at her book then at me and started crying.
So I do my best to make her stop crying. I'm pretty good with children but not worth shit with ones who are crying. By the time she had finished crying our lunch was over and she went to her other class.

So I walk up to the proprietor, Sir Joseph Acquah Heyford( He likes to call himself Sir, or have the children call him Master). This man is no fun to talk to or be around, in fact he reminds me of Richard III, the cripple king who manipulated and killed his family. Believe it or not this man is also crippled.


I mention to him that I have a girl in my class who cannot read and I would like to tutor her after school, and if possible we could move her to a class where she can be at the same level as the students. Instead of being a parrot who writes.

He stops me and says don't bother, that girl is no good, she is stupid. I told him the difference from not being able to read because you never went to school before this year and being stupid. He wouldn't listen. He told me I could waste my time on her, but he will not change her class, that eventually she will smarten up.

So here I am a week later doing my best to teach a girl to read, when most of the time she is crying because she can't.

All in all, it's pretty dull reading.

But to save my image..
I TOOK A DUMP ON THE PROPRIETORS FACE!

Brother Paul

-Altruism is boring.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Emma Watson won't stop giving me a boner.




Thanks to Harry Potter 7 I have become a 15 year old teenage lesbian in love with Emma Watson.



She goes and cuts her hair all short like a pixie and shit, AND STILL LOOKS HOT!!! not many girls look hot with short hair!



This post would not be complete without showing you this video as she attempts to speak in an AMERICAN ACCENT, i pretty much jizz everytime i hear her voice.



Do you brothers agree or am i just losing my mind over this love bomb of a girl?

Brother Moe

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Well its about time

Dear Brothers,
First off I would like to apologize for my lack of posts, I have been tremendously lazy for the past 2 months and haven't gotten around to leaving an update until now. I can assure you it is worth the wait. Since the beginning of the school year I have obtained several injuries, some have stories tied to them that are interesting the others are just an inconvenience for myself. I shall start with what I think is the most interesting.

It was a blustery fall afternoon, the sun was shinning and the birds were chirping. Feelings of happiness at the thought of partying with an old friend in a new city warmed my heart as I waited in line for the 3 o'clock ferry to Swartz Bay. After a short boat ride and a few wrong turns I arrived at Casa De La Bros. I was greeted by Brother Naresh with open arms and a big hug, I nearly sprlurged in my pants. We had no time to waste, some catching up was in order as well as grocery and booze shopping. When all was said and done we returned to Casa De La Bros and prepared a magnificent feast consisting of a roasted pig (with an apple in its mouth) a smoked swamp creature that I had caught while fishing off the side of the ferry boat, and more ale than one mans thirst could quench. Yes, this was fine living indeed. Brother Naresh introduced me to his roommates, Scott, Newey, Ian and Cassel who was not a roommate but widely accepted as one of the group. As we sat at the round table plotting our plan of attack for party time that evening, one Bro recommended going into the heart of Victoria to a club called 'Sugar'. There were several acquaintances that were either having supposed birthday celebrations or had managed to create a guest list that we all were on. When the blueprints had been forged and our hungers filled, the Bros enjoyed a nice pre-drinking game I like to call 'watch Jersey Shore while drinking and laugh a whole bunch at how retarded they are'. When we all had a good buzz going on, we hit the road hard and arrived at Sugar around 10-10:30. The line up was longer than my penis, so we decided to wait in the other line up designated for those on a guest list. This line up was smaller than my penis. Unfortunately the person whose guest list we were on had not yet arrived and was needed in person to let us in. A bunch of horses shit if you ask me but I couldn't be bothered, I knew I was going to have a night I would never forget. When the guest of honor arrived she had a limit of 10 people to point out in the crowd and let in. By this time we were closest to the front of the line but many more club-goers had formed a wall behind us. Since I didn't know who the guest of honor was and she didn't know me, I was not picked as one of the 'top ten' to invite inside. Instead she invited her close friends and some of the Bros. When they entered the building, #16 (a bouncer I will later refer to) asked the remaining Bros as well as myself to exit our current line and enter the chump line. We complied and snuck our way past a few people, every now and then inching our way past some more chumps as they turned away to speak to other chumps. Close to midnight I was granted access to the club and went straight for the bar. The place was so crowded and noisy I could not walk anywhere without bumping into someone. As I arrived at the bar I was greeted by Brother Naresh and a shot of Tequila that went down the hatch faster than I could have hoped for. As the night progressed the Bros had split up for the most part and were either drinking at the bar or dancing on the floor. Our only means of communication was via text messages. Around 1:20-1:30 I received a text from Brother Naresh stating the following, "Let's all meet outside and catch a cab WOOOO!!!!!". I finished my beverage and proceeded to make my way through the dance floor past the bar and straight down the stairs to the exit. The task seemed simple enough, however my exit strategy was flawed and I was faced with many obstacles. Trying to walk through the dance floor required either moving people out of the way or breaking apart couples trying to dance. It had to be done in order to leave so I felt no remorse. Once I reached to bar my surroundings had cleared up slightly. I could make out the stairs in the distance and I made my way towards them. Suddenly another obstacle took shape, now this part of the story is very important because this is where my world was flipped upside down in the matter of approximately 60-70 seconds. 20 or so feet away from the stairs, half of the hallway was blocked by a large group of people chatting and drinking, as I walked to the other half of the hallway, four mutants who had most likely been waiting in the chump line up for more than an hour were finally granted access to what they were expecting to be heaven. As our paths collided I attempted to move my left shoulder to the side as to not ram the individual in the face with my body. Unfortunately my act of good will did not go unpunished, as if I were invisible he bumped into anyway. I thought nothing of it and continued walking for the stairs. As I laid my right foot on the first step, I felt a hand grab my left bicep, instinctively I turned around to see who the hand belonged to. To my surprise it was #16 the bouncer. To give you a brief description of the man I now call an asshole he had short ginger hair and a stupid beard, I myself measure in height 6'4" but #16 was taller perhaps 6'6". I call him #16 because all the bouncers at the club had a number tag on their jackets as opposed to a name tag. His number was 16. He looked at me with a mean mug that I took as unfriendly. "Do you want to apologize for that?" he asked, "Apologize for what?" I asked. "You were trying to fight that guy" the asshole exclaimed. I was so caught off-guard by his wild claim that I laughed at him told him he was mistaken, then turned around and started walking down the stairs again, which released his grip from my arm. I did so without hostility or the intention of annoying him, I simply wanted to walk out the front door like a gentleman and without blood on my hands. However the asshole must have been extremely insulted by my behavior because of my lack of respect for his supposed authority. I felt my left bicep being grabbed again, but this time # 16 pulled me back and turned me around. "Are you trying to fight me?", he said rather angrily. I told him that I wasn't but nonetheless he grabbed the back of my neck with his right hand and attempted to thrust his left knee into my abdomen several times. Fortunately I saw it coming and blocked the blows with my right hand which was free from his grasp. Still holding onto my neck and left arm, he then threw me out of what I call "the reject exit" (which is designed for those causing a disturbance in the club) out the door and past the ropes. When I turned around he was already fleeing up the stairs we had come down while the door closed behind him. I was so dumbfounded by what had just taken place that it took me a moment or two to realize what had just taken place. Now if you are someone who knows me well enough than you would know that I am a mellow fellow for the most part. I myself cannot recall the last time I was as angry over something as this. as the rage built up from the pit of my stomach, fueled by alcohol adrenaline and testosterone. I tried to reason with one of the other bouncers to get this #16 to come downstairs and apologize for his wrongdoing. The bouncer basically treated me as if I were worthless and refused my request, than attempted to ignore me. That's when I lost it and through one of the rope poles on the ground to get their attention. I asked again to get "That piece of shit" downstairs to apologize. They refused once again, by this time the Bros were al outside trying to convince me to drop the matter and catch a cab. I realized that it was a lost cause and proceeded to walk down the street until the rage built up enough that I had to release my anger. Unfortunately instead of yelling at the clouds or having another drink I decided to punch a brick wall with all my strength. This is not one of my proudest moments but nonetheless something I had to deal with, three days later when I returned home a doctor confirmed that I had obtained what they have nicknamed a "Boxer's Fracture". I cannot blame #16 for fracturing my hand, I had done that to myself and that is something that I had to accept and move past. What annoys me is the fact that I clearly was not trying to engage anyone at the club in combat including him. I simply wanted to have a good night full of dancing drinking and laughing.
For those wishing to visit Victoria's nightlife, I must admit that Sugar is a decent club, crowded at time but a great time. Do not be discouraged by this club because of this individual, simply keep in mind that if you go to this location and see this asshole that you should be careful, because he clearly is more of a threat to the environment then the environment is to itself. I had told this story to another student at at the same complex as Casa De La Bros and he mentioned that he had a similar experience with a bouncer at the very same club (could be a coincidence but who the fuck knows).
CLUB-GOERS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIANT GINGER FREAK #16 ATTENDING CLUB SUAGR, HE MAY ATTACK YOU WITHOUT WARNING.

The tale of my second injury goes out to those Bros who are a strong believer in being physically active at the gym. A word to the wise: do not do any shoulder exercises that involve being seated i.e. seated shoulder press, seated shrug machine etc. I have tried these machines and they are a terrible exercise for your neck. I confirmed this with my chiropractor Dr. Pierre DesLauriers (http://www.whiterockhealth.ca/about.html) that these seated exercises are not only terribly ineffective towards building muscles but they also put a tremendous amount of tension on your neck. As a result of usage (after two reps) I am left with a great deal of pain in my neck that runs down my right shoulder blade. Fortunately Pierre has been helping me with recovery, and has recommended doing Functional Exercises. I urge all my brothers interested in physical well-being to investigate functional exercises and use them in their workout routines. Currently I am looking into Russian Kettlebell Training. It is supposed to be intense and surprisingly effective.

Apart from my injuries, most things are A okay in Jasonland, I miss my Bros but I know we shall reunite in the near future. I look forward to reading more posts about all of our adventures. I'm not one to talk but please keep the brotherhood alive and KEEP POSTING.

PEACE BE UPON YOU BROTHERS

XOXO Brother Jason

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

In reference to the last line of Nick's post.

Fuck the Police

Hello fellow brothers,

This is my first post in quite some time, but lately I haven't had much to talk about either than working and drinking full time. But one night stands out from the rest. About a week ago a buddy I work with sat down to have a couple drinks after work cuz it was 3.50 pilsners that night booyah! so when an hour later when I got off I joined him for a couple. I told myself I am only going to have a few then go home. By the time I sat down he was already half cut, and kept encouraging me to join him, and my will power is nothing so I did. 10 minutes later were ordering shots talking to people around us, having a jolly old time.

There this tall red head who is giving me the eye for the last 15 minutes so I go over there and chat her up, I tell her I am 24 and she tells me she likes that. It is her friends birthday party, so right there I knew some fat chick was going to ruin my time with this chick but luckily all her friends were just as hot as she was, which is extremely lucky. There was some 40 year old with them he was pretty rad he kept feeding my shots all night and doing coke from his finger nail, real stand up guy. His friend that he brought was this really buff bald asian man who kept betting me I couldn't drink 3 bottles of beer under 36 seconds and I kept telling him that was not possible from a bottle or when there cold, so he did it right in front of me like a boss would do and sure enough he slams them all. I still tell him I don't want to do it. During the night when we are still at my work I decide to text my ex gf to see how shes doing, the convo was nice and friendly for all of ten minutes then she snaps cuz I think I said she wasn't going anywhere in life or something and then throughout the night it was just a flurry of ravenous text messages back and forth, some of them got pretty damn harsh on both ends but whatever. But anyway me and this redhead and her friends are traveling up and down Granville street from bar to bar, gettin real drunk, having a good ol time, she was loving me too touching my beard kissing me and shit, I was too drunk to comprehend what was going on and every other second I though it was going to be my last one conscious.

So after a couple hours we end up back at my work she orders a jug of water cuz she was spinning I order more beer cuz I was spinning. She leaves shortly after as she's leaving she proceeds to tell me shes not sleeping with me tonight, I laugh at her. She gives me her number and she leaves. We text all the time now but it won't go anywhere I don't think. The asian man bets me again this time it seems like a better idea. We havea race I down a beer and a half and then proceed to spew all over the bar and chairs. I get kicked out of my own work and he has to pay for my 3 beer. hahaha. I think I caught a cab back home, during this ride I proceeded to keep texting my ex gf just saying the worst things posssible you could say to a woman. I just hate her so much. I get hope and I find that my roomate has duct taped someones mail to my door for a small prank, so I take the dry storage shelf and put it against his door then I duct tape his door knob to the fridge handle and move everything else possible in front of his door.

Then I finally get a phone call from my ex cept it's not her ex its her new boyfriend, who proceeds to tell me that he's laying beside her now and i need to stop texting her so I ask him to ask his gf what my dick tastes like then he really loses it I give him my address and he hangs up. I then decide to text her my ballsack multiple times. She phones me telling me I am mental and that I am going to jail I just laugh at her then tell her to kill her self about 100 times. I fall asleep like a baby and wake up the next day with no regrets.

Two days later I get a phone call from work, constable fuck ass telling me I can never phone her again and that he went over to her house and she showed him convos we had and the pictures I sent which means a cop saw my balls hahaha. Before she phoned the cops she blocked me on facebook, later I realize she unblocked me I asked her why she told me she wanted to show the cop my face but my picture on facebook was two frogs riding a tandem bike and the headline at the top of the picture read: fuck the police

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Nothing Lasts Forever, Even Cold Movember Rain

Brothers,
It is that time of year again, I'm sure some of you are already involved.
It is time to grow moustaches.  I have mine carved out with two glorious sideburns joining the party.

But Movember is about more than just the moustaches that thrill the ladies, Movember is about prostate cancer.
1 in 6 men will be diagnosed.  It's pretty serious.

My housmates and I have made a team to fundraise money for Canadian Cancer research.  And, naturally it has become a competition, and I want to raise more money then them, especially since I am currently wearing the best moustache in the house, well debateably.

If you are willing to contribute then check out our Movember page: http://ca.movember.com/mospace/822696/

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Boy Who Slew The Dragon With The Girl Tatoo

The Dragons Treasure: But I wont be writing about that.

A funny thing happened during the few weeks between posts.

Our young hero...fell. (Lest We Forget).

Sure I could write how he vanquished the serpent and sent her moaning to her dragon's den or I could tell you the truth of it.
Paulson did slay the dragon, that is not a lie.

Though in turn, slaying the dragon became...an addiction?
An obsession? A QUEST!

What quest was more noble than continually slaying a dragon for eternity?! I mean come on! Right?

And here is were the fancy version stops.

I fucked her, it was crazy. Insanity, I had no idea it could have been like that. Just relentless pounding all night long. The next day we both had bruises, bite marks, and sratches. Her room was an absolute disaster area.

Then we fucked again in the morning on an off till about lunch time. I had to catch a trotro back to my placement. It was chill, just kinda "If you come back, you do. If not, then thanks for your penis." That's what the atmosphere was like from her, pretty cool. Mine was like " Yea I'll come back, you fuck well. Thanks for your vagina." All in all pretty relaxed.

I came down the next weekend. I guess this could be the part where I "succumbed" to the dragons power, were the hero(it's me if you were to stupid to know) "fell".

Ive been going back and seeing her instead, don't know why. It just makes more sense. After ever pounding she gets less unattractive. That might be me justifying it or maybe she wasn't that ugly.

My whole judgemental world has gone topsy turvy.
I don't think I need help though, maybe this is a good thing.

Although, for those of you who know my standards on bush, this girl shaves. Because I can guarantee, if she didn't then there would be nothing to write about.

That's what it's like here in africa, sure I teach five classes a day, but the real story lies in the bed of the dragon. Also the british girl got really pissed off and all bitchy. Started bad talking the girl. Then I realised, the less attractive girl had way more personality and was more fun than the attractive british girl...hmm maybe there is something about personalities being better than looks...and fucking too, thats also key.

Anyways that was a post in my own voice, not the narrator.

Have a good one Brothers.

My next post won't be a story, something closer to journalism and poo.

-Deus Ex Machina

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Status: White Rock

So yea hey bros. Miss you guys and wish so badly i couldve gone to the bloody beetroots show! Feelin a little guilty since i havent posted in a long time so here it is. Not much new since i havent left white rock other than to go to school in surrey lately. Been gyming, working and playing wow when not in school and like brandon said, cataclysm is gonna eat up time. Reaaaally looking forward to winter break in anticipation of all the ridiculous shinanigans that we'll be getting into and other than that i dont have much to post. See you guys soon!

Lest we forget...THE ZOMBIES!




This is how we spent our Remembrance Day - 18 hours of Call of Duty Black Ops: Zombie mode - playing as JFK AND FIDEL CASTRO defending the Pentagon. So far we've gotten up to level 9 as its fucken hard as DICK... But so fun. we're going to try for another 6 hours.

Not a bad way to remember the fallen.. Or the undead.

Sincerely,

Brother Moe and Brother Humza

Victoria daayz

Same old victoria bullshit. Nothing new to report nothing exciting happening... Other than I've never been so booked for tattoos in my life. I've got my shin being coloured on the 28th and I outline my sleeve on the 15th of december... fuuucked.

I will see some of da broz on those dates. miss u guizz.

oh yeah and Cataclysm is going to suck my WoW addiction down to a whole new level.

Herp Derp

Today is rainy and gloomy, but there is a golden light shining in my heart because I know there are brothers out there, broing down, all around the world.
I just got back from the airport, my mom left to Brazil for 2 weeks, I'm goddamn jealous as an egg.
Tuesday night, went downtown to the forum, danced like crazy, got slapped from some girl whose face I licked, but then she liked me afterwards because I showed her I didn't give a fuck about being slapped. Met some ultra-cute Japanese girl who I'll hopefully be meeting up with this weekend, I left her alone on the dance floor for all of one minute and came back to find 3 mexican dudes all encroaching upon her, slow and scared, there was no dominance from these faggots, so I simply shoved them all away and showed them I'm a beast, they peaced out then I made out with my girl, hero status I know. I then took the last bus home, met up with an old friend from Highschool and then stayed up until 7am blasting lines with him in the basement of his parents house whilst drinking wine and listening to youtube tunes. (And doing dramatic readings from a Kurt Vonnegut book).
Bloody Beetroots was pure madness as you all know, I don't even really know what went down that night but I know it was impossibly beautiful and unforgettable, I want to thank you all for making it perfect. After the original dose of drugs I ingested I also later bought 3 caps of E with a fake $50, classic prank.
Halloween was madness, on the Friday I had a girl buy me a ticket to the Nero and Skrillex show, which was goddamn epic and found my old highschool friend dressed up like an amazonian warrior, fucking beautiful. I was dressed up as some form of homo-erotic mountain man.
That photo was taken at the Saturday night Halloween party I attended, where basically every guy was dressed up gay/slutty as fuck. Epic night of brotastic proportions.

Anyway, I think we should make it mandatory to get all the bros together for nights similar to the Bloody Beetroots at LEAST once every 2 months, more if possible, they are just goddamn excellent.
P.S Naresh: Judging by this picture I think I need to lay off the squats for a bit...

Fine Naresh

Siriusmo is the greatest. He's ahead of the game in all respects.

Listen:
http://hypem.com/#/track/1193367/Siriusmo-Blaue+Sonne

If you don't like this nothing will change for me because I don't really care. But I'll give you a second chance with this one which is what I consider to be a perfect song, nothing needs to be changed and nothing needs to be added and its the first time I've heard a child sing in a song without it being some kinda kids bop shit.

http://hypem.com/#/track/1172787/Siriusmo+-+High+Together

Old spice commercials are not smart, funny or witty. Fuck Them.

Brothers. Sorry for the long reply. I apologize, for my mind was awry. Let me begin this post with a solemn silence for our fallen brethren who fought and defended our freedom on this day 92 years ago. Lest we forget ( 2 Minutes of silence before continuing to read this post please).

Alright, now that that's done I thought I would mention that I'm from Singapore. And I don't even know what my country did during World War 1. Either way it seems to have worked out in the end. I'll start this post with the weekend of Halloween. It was a fun filled weekend. Brother Mitch was here and we rolled up to a couple of house parties, got ridiculously hammered, and ate A LOT of Mcdoubles. You can't go wrong with the Mcdoubles, if you're trying to gain weight, save money, or all in all just craving food whilst drunk (Which happens everytime). Brother Mitch almost got into a fight his second night here and Edward Scissorhand wanted to beat up me up (A Fairy). I stood there laughed a little bit and then told him to punch me as hard as he could in the face while looking at him dead in the eye. He never did. We went to some retarded frat party where everyone looked like they were 4 years old. We left this party within seconds. On our walk home, I saw a Dragon. He came down and spoke to me and said that for the price of 2 gold he would fly me around Victoria, stop off at Mcdonalds so I could get myself some Mcdoubles, and then drop me off at home. I couldn't refuse for I have not seen a dragon in quite some time now. Leaving my friends behind I hopped on the dragons back as he flew me around on the most mystical journey of my life. I believe my dick was semi-erect this entire trip due to it's sheer awesomeness. Little did I know the dragon had suprises for me. A portal ripped open near Mt.Doug and we ventured into a completely different realm with mystical beings. The Dragon told me that this was his home and I could come visit him whenever I'd like and gave me a locket. For me to visit his realm I had to mutter the words "Dloj Quranti Makanari Sulomn Donogast". This was the most amazing night of my life. I remember when we made out pit stop at mcdonalds, the line was tremendously long. But Qirinjanriusanamankalaka (This was the name of the dragon) just took a deep breath and incinerated everyone in there except the cashiers and the cooks. This made my night even more enjoyable because instead of waiting 10 minutes in line I didin't have to wait at all cause the line was dead (Literally). I ordered 8 mcdoubles, a double big mac meal, a quarter pounder meal without the coke, and a couple of mcnuggets. I Then ordered a cow for Qirinjanriusanamankalaka. Oh i forgot to mention, Qirinjanriusanamankalaka can shrink in size whenever he pleases so we actually managed to find a table at the mcdonalds and eat our meal there before he dropped me off at home. The departure was sad but I knew that no matter what I could see Qirinjanriusanamankalaka in his realm whenever I pleased.

The weekend after this was The Bloody Beetroots. I don't think I have to share anything about that because I was with all of you. It was a brotherhood night and what a night it was. I have come to realize that the commodore is probably my favorite venue right now, apart from the gorge. I can't wait for another show like that again. It was good seeing all of you and I look forward to my december break when we can wreak chaos in our little town.

The other night my roomates and I got ridiculously wasted. Actually we ended up blacking out the night. We went to some party which was horrible. Everyone just looked like a bunch of drunk zombies sitting on couches doing nothing, so we decided to be the party itself. David started the dance floor started bringing some girls in, I showed off my awesome dance moves and we had a dance off. Scott and I played beer pong, but at this point it was more like "chug all your cups now cause you've already lost", which was practically what happened. The last thing I remember with this night was some girl telling me as we were about to leave "That it's rude to stare" and Newey responding with "It's Rude to be a Whore". After this the whole lot of us forgot the rest of the night. Honestly I can't go into details with what we awoke too in our house the next morning but we seriously don't know how it happened (Not a single one of us) which is kinda scary., but if you all really want to know I'll tell you in person.

Anyways, It is now my reading break so I'll be studying h-core as of today. Eventually. Oliver still continuing with my deadlifts, squats, gonna start power clean and jerk, most likely tomorrow. We'll see how disastrous that ends up being. I hope I don't puke.

Also you guys are fucking assholes.

Leave a goddamn post.



"Dloj Quranti Makanari Sulomn Donogast"
Brother Naresh



Wednesday, November 3, 2010

No more lonely girls

Brothers,

I just enjoyed an amazing weekend visiting brother naresh in victoria. There were some great memories made for sure as I galavanted around in my Justin Bieber costume. I almost got us into one fight where I called some guys faggots then they called us faggots back and I said "I know I'm a faggot! I'm Justin bieber" he then followed us lipping off and I just made fun of him some more and walked away. I won't get into more of the details but if you have partied with naresh and his roommates you will understand the fun that ensued. If you haven't, then you should.

I will be attending the bloody beetroots show on Friday night . I know many of you are attending as well, I look forward to meeting those of you that I haven't yet and also meeting again those that I have.

Although it is still 8 months away I have found the official theme song for next summer : "SUMMER BROLEVEN"

this year dubstep was huge, next year Euro Electro:

"The Summer is Magic" (Official Song of Summer Broleven)


Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Boy Who Slew The Dragon With The Girl Tattoo

Part II: The Encounter

Paulson our knight in shining armor, had just spent his Friday night with his fair wench, Blank. Come saturday morn, he set out about the city, finding fresh fruit, skewered goat, coconuts and other local eats. Everett curtailed his market search; bringing his hoard to the beach. Where Blank and the other volunteers were sunbathing and water bathing( in the sea). Everett had not always paid attention to all the volunteers, and generally forgot their faces or names. Save for those he enjoyed getting sinisterly intoxicated with. They were John Everyman, Frank Grimes, Charlie Brown, his woman, Jane Doe and Lois Lane.

Of course his compatriots were at the beach, they always were. Though, they weren't alone.

(This is the encounter part)

(Re-encounter)


Lying next to his Funky Neilla*, was THE DRAGON!

Our hero was dumb struck, not only was she a dragon, she was all the more Draconian in contrast to his British girl(with nice teeth). A long visage, with a hooked nose. Her crooked smile permanently plastered to her lips. The Worm(Fact: JRR Tolkien called Dragons, Worms.) had a long neck that trailed down to her sinewy and yet square shoulders. He torso was lenghty and with out definition. Her legs were long and thin, not fat, but not nice either.

Yes...She truly was a Fire-Snake.

But before our hero could forget about her, and go on his way to his dear maiden. Something caught his attention..

Find out next time in The Dragons Treasure.

* A funky neilla is a hot girl.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Boy Who Slew The Dragon With The Girl Tattoo

Listen:

The dragon did not have a tattoo.
But here is a story.

Part one.
There was a boy, his name is Everett Richard Paulson. This boy is our hero.
He is a volunteer teacher is a small town called Akyem Achiase(Achim Aschiasay). The boy had taken to visiting a british girl by the name of Blank LeBlank every weekend. He travelled for a while by transport to see her, for a damn good reason.

A weekend past he had gone down to see the girl.

He saw her friday night, but on saturday something awry had happened. The two lovers did not meet up.

....

What could have been regular saturday evening down in Takoradi, a coastal city in the country of Ghana, changed dramatically for our young hero. A simple evening turned into a moral and standard shaking event. (with sexy results.)


Next time..

Part two: The Encounter

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Kickass fucking weekend.

Hey my brothers, post moar.

So on Friday I was itching to do something but White Rock was being lame as usual and everyone was busy, I decided to go buy a mickey of Russian Prince vodka and bus to Vancouver. I found some buddies from North Van who were going to the Cambie, I really wanted to see Calvin Harris play Celebrities but tickets were $40 and I didn't really feel crazy enough to try and sneak in, so I just headed to the Cambie after a half-assed attempt at negotiating with the bouncer at celebs. Cambie was amazing, saw some good buddies that I hadn't seen in ages and met the coolest girl I've ever met in my entire life, there were these faggy nerd-type dudes trying to hit on her and friend the whole night but I helped them escape a night of boredom and doom haha, all in all excellent night!

Saturday night was Brother Ryland's epic birthday. We showed up at Fiji house, started shooting some pool while watching UFC and drinking Sailor Jerry's fucking nasty Rum. I told the girl from Friday to come meet us at Ceili's, she busses out from Burnaby solo, so fucking cool of her. Anyway, had a great time at Ceili's, bromance, romance and face licking deluxe. After Ceili's we ate some kickass Romano's pizza and cabbed back with the intention to Strobe (read: getting way too fucking high and immersing yourself in Deadmau5's epic 'Strobe') but instead we just ended up watching Grandma's boy, I don't think I've ever been so high. We were passing around a bong like it was a joint, just silliness, Ryland was rolling on the street laughing because he didn't realize I was me. Everyone passed out on couches within like 10 minutes of the movie starting, but I stayed awake throughout laughing like an insane man, completely on my own.

I'd like to hear from the other brother's as to how their weekend went!
Broliver OUT

tonight I went to the Strip Club

Brothers,

A word of advice: do not go to a strip club sober and/or as the DD. Alcohol makes us better people, drink it whenever you can.

-Brother Mitch

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Die Antwoord

no words can describe....

videos will be up soon.

but for now,

my version of The Answer

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bro-Fucking-Fist

Brothers. This weekend was definitely one of my biggest highlights of the year. Never have I been so satisfied with the intensity given on a Saturday night.

Let me start of by giving you the definition of a brother
Brother : A male sibling is called a brother; . In most societies throughout the world, siblings usually grow up together and spend a good deal of their childhood socializing with one another. This genetic and physical closeness may be marked by the development of strong emotional bond such as love or enmity. The emotional bond between siblings is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and personal experiences outside the family.

Emotional Bond, Love and Enmity. This is the utmost I can say about the whole lot of you. SO HOMO.

Friday started as a precursor to my day, but nothing too exciting happened. I went to a japanese, karoke restaurant for one of my friends birthday with Brother Mitch. We had some good laughs and conversations and for I believe for the first time in my life I saw 100 chinese guido's. Yes they do exist, but they are extremely gay. I'm not a tall guy, but they were all shorter than me wearing XS Ed Hardy T-shirts found at the kids section in wal-mart. I remember at one point of the night I went to the washroom and they were talking about buying an ounce of weed as if it was an extremely illegal drug in Canada and treating it like heroin. FUCK YOU CHINESE GUIDO'S, y'all can suck my dick.

Now, Saturday's are typical. You drink a little and you have a good time with friends. But this saturday was unlike most. I had a carpool so there was no need to worry about a ride home. I had free beer, so there was no need to worry about drinks (Albeit I did buy more at the bar which was probably not the best idea). But the biggest thing that I had was the brothers. Almost all the brother's I could possibly imagine were at the blackforest this night. And what a night it was. Crossing Swords all over the place. That night was also the best pool game I've played in my entire life. Yes there were many girls, and yes there were many smooches. But the best part were the gay moments. We were in a bar full of Ed-Hardy Fags, yet we stood infront of all of them pooching out our belly's and hugging each other for 10 minutes, talking about how gay we are and how we should all convert to gayinism. No but seriously, Girls we had girls. Cept Nick, those emo girls shunned him, like we all shunned fat kids when we were in elementary school (Wait a minute we still do that now). Anyways, I won't get into too much details. But let's just say it was a night we all forgot yet remembered(it wasn't suppose to make sense).

The best part of going home is always seeing my mom and my doggie. Flash. We had turkey dinner on sunday ( I also had turkey dinner at jason's place on saturday before the forest). I do miss them already, but I'll be seeing the two of them quite soon. Now it's back to school and exams. But Life is good. Much better than last year. AND last year was awesome too. That's saying a lot.

Faggotry aside, miss you bros.

LOVE YOU BROTHERS
XOXOXOXOX
THROUGH THE TEARS AND THE LAUGHTER
LIVE LOVE LAUGH SMOOCH LIFE

Brotastic Turkey Weekend!

Hello my brothers!
Well Friday was a pretty good ol' fashion time. Met up with my good friend Blake and we went to some Birthday party, which was tame and not exactly what I was looking for (wild tymez). I did learn a new drinking game though called "Connections" which basically just ends up with everyone chugging massive amounts of alcohol. There is no skill or luck or surprise, basically just lets you know who the sadists of the group are.
Blake and I decided to leave the party and hit up the Sandpiper because it was Karaoke night. There was a girl with the tramp stamp "Michael's" on her lower back, I was hitting on her for a bit and Blake texted me "michaels going to be pissed" haha classic.
I sang "All out of love" by Air Supply in somewhat of a Creedish voice, it was awesome, people slow-danced and applauded. I saw some girl checking me out so I grabbed her and started furiously making out with her, she was twisting my nipples and biting my ear, this actually turned me on quite a bit, pain is nice sometimes. Anyway went for the pull like 10 minutes after meeting her because Blake was leaving and I wanted a place to crash, she wasn't ready to go yet so I said fuck it and peaced out. Her loss.

Saturday night: Glorious Bromantics unleashed upon Blackforest.
This was the best night ever, drunkeness, seeing all my old buddies, catching up with all the brothers and meeting a couple new brothers! Games of pool were won, whiskey was shot and bromance was expressed, to a new level! My memories of this night are hazy but I remember getting punched in the face by some irate woman and then dodging the rest of her attacks while telling her to discontinue her actions. Big shout outs to Brother Ryland, Brother Nick, Brother Brandon and of course Brother Naresh for making this night unforget/givable.

Sunday: Turkey times deluxe with the family, got high beforehand to ensure a proper quantity of food consumed. Glorious.

Tuesday: Brother Nick's Birthday.
Complete insanity, shared a bottle of our old friend Jimmy Beam, headed out, hit up the Forum for ESL Night. Meaning we were the only white dudes in there lol. Complete awesomeness, dancing like retards, big brogang-hugs on the dancefloor, grinding hard on any unsuspecting ESL girl to enter my range of vision, saw some latina bombshell giving me eyes, lifted her up, spun her around, then full on make-out times, biting groping etc, goddamn it got hot in there fast, but it was time for karaoke at Two Parrots and all my friends were leaving! Bros before hoes? I guess. :(

Turns out the wait on karaoke was long as fuck, I signed up for Only The Good Die Young, by Billy Joel but had neither the time nor the inclination to wait for over an hour. I asked some girl if she was into anal sex, she told me no.
At the Forum there was a dance-off going on between some black dudes, at some point James and I intruded upon the dance circle and started doing the funky chicken, the robot and other retarded dances as this one dude was trying to do some lame breakdance bullshit, he was pissed off but too much of a pussy to say anything so some black guy came up and told me that it was the other dude's turn to dance and I could go after haha. He actually thought I was competing in this faggotry. Outside I saw some girl and told her she was "cute enough to have my next abortion" that didn't go over too well. Saw some blonde bombshell told her "cum ear" and started hugging her she was reciprocating quite well until I grabbed her hand and put it on my dick, she was offended by my open display of romance. What a bitch.
I realized we were outside of the Commodore just as Die Antwoord was finishing up (fucking wish I went!!!) and realized Brother Moe was inside so I gave his fine ass a call. Indeed he was coming outside just at that moment, we got to have a brief encounter of bromantic bliss and parted ways.

Awesome weekend all in all, I know you other brothers have insane stories from this thanksgiving weekend as well so post em up!
peace and brove.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I'm back tomorrow

I'm back for 2 days brothers. I Come to see my mother, my dog, and of course the whole lot of you. Let's Drink Friday, Then Have Turkey Saturday, Karoke Downtown Sunday, and I'll see you all in victoria the friday after? I will leave a kick ass post once my last midterm in the department of mathematics is over. I Love You All.

PS Brother Navin Killed On His Biology Midterm. So I don't think breakups are on his mind.

Monday, October 4, 2010

weekend

This weekend I watched some movies while I put off studying, We were supposed to go out as a brotherhood on saturday but it flopped.

I watched "get him to the greek" first, it was okay the only really funny part way p.diddy talking about mindfucking.Overall it was a good time waster .
Next I watched Stomp "The Yard: Homecoming" this is a movie about black people dancing that also teaches positive morals about teamwork, I couldn't get enough. There were only 20 dance scenes, I would have appreciated a few more(10-20 more would have been sufficient). there was one white person in the whole movie and he was dancer too: I wasn't expecting that at all, it was a pretty fucked up plot twist. If you like to watch black people dance I recommend this movie strongly.
I also happened to catch a classic "forces of nature" starring Ben Affleck . Overall Ben Affleck should have been replaced by Hugh Grant for sure.

When did I get time to study? somewhere in there, it's not really important.

"Keep ya head up brotha"-Quote from stomp the yard: homecoming

-Brother Mitch

Saturday, October 2, 2010

First night back in Vancouver City, in ages

Good morning brothers,
So I decided to head down to UBC to meet up with a friend I hadn't see in almost 2 years, I only met this dude once but it was at a 10-day meditation retreat which was a pretty epic point in my life, and even though there was no talking allowed a deep connection was built with the people I did this retreat with. My friend Nader was one of those guys, awesome dude, he traveled across Canada the same time as I did but in the opposite direction. Anyway we chilled near Wrek beach for a while and watched the sunset, it was indescribably epic. After that I walked up to my buddy Liam's place to see what he was up to. We drank some Rum and Coke and hit a party. I won a couple games of pool, crushed some beers, drank stranger's wine got hit on by like an 80 year old chinese lady who was collecting cans from the frat house.

Liam and I are told by some dode that he can get us into some faggy club "Post Modern" for free with no line and shit. So we went along, caught the bus, mowed some pizza and hit the town. I spotted 3 hotties so I went up and started talking, one of them expected a piggy-back ride because her heel's were hurting her feet. I told her to take off her shoes and give me a piggyback ride. Her friends were like "nah, he's too small to lift you anyway" I knew this was some dumb-cunt trick so instead of proving them wrong and giving them a piggy back ride I just stopped everyone from walking, eyed the girl up and down said "I think I could lift her" grabbed her below her ass so her tits were in my face, spun around in a 360, then dropped her hips so her legs were wrapped around mine and started dry humping her on the sidewalk, her friends were freaking out and I was laughing. Liam caught up with me to see what was going on and I knew that I kind of blew it with this group so I just peaced out with him, was hilarious.

The club was a fiasco, the dude's "contact" was some 18 year old promoter or something who had no connections whatsoever, the bouncers completely dismissed his request to get 10 fucking dude's in, obviously, so we head out. Walk around randomly, use a bathroom in a coffee shop to wash off the fucking war paint that some girls drew on us at the bus stop, as liam and I are both in the washroom washing ourselves this little asian dude walks in and before he can quickly walk back out I stop him and say "it's okay man, come on, take a poo, we won't judge" then he started walking back in as if he was about to do it then freaked out and started shaking his head going "no,no,no,no" and got the hell out of there haha.

Some other funny bullshit happened but nothing amazing, I ended up catching the last bus home, hopefully if the brothers unite tonight it will be epic.

A New Brother, And A New Bachelor

Dear Brothers, I am here to inform you of the new brother who has joined our ranks, Brother Navin. He In turn is also my RL brother. Brother Navin went through his first ever break up yesterday and I believe that we should give him words of encouragement and wisdom to cheer up this poor sac... Remember a first break up is quite hard on a brother, Just Ask Brother Yazad.

Let me begin. From the mouth of America's Greatest TV Doctor. (Dr.Phil)

  • In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you.
  • Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex.
  • Don't start thinking about being friends right away — if ever. You have to be your own friend first.
  • Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing.
  • Define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won't move on until you've accepted that the relationship is over.
  • Be careful about the language you use. When you use catastrophic terms like "nightmare," "terrible," and "horrible," you're bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do.
  • Sometimes you can't get over being hurt until you know you've been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness.
  • Don't embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you'll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex's house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.
  • Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there's a risk. Don't let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing.
  • Friday, September 24, 2010

    Tuesday is the new Friday

    A couple weeks ago, me and a couple bro's decided that weekdays are much better to go out. Cheaper beer, better specials and such. Sure not as much people but also means less dodes, chodes and douche bags, they all have to wake up at 5am and go to there daddy's construction site, then GTL. Anyway we head downtown to a bar called forum because pitchers on a tuesday is 10 bucks! and there was a mechanical bull. We get there and it was dead as fuck like we expected so we sat down and slammed 5 pitchers, the club started picking up and now were all shiiitfaced, one of the bros runs into a chick from his hometown he doesn't like so I use that excuse to go and talk to her, turns out she speaks afghani and is like one hundred percent white, she lives with like 5 brown dudes that were with her that night, all sitting around with her and shit staring at me wishing they could cut my dick off and cook me or something. Regardless I start making out with her and stuff it was getting a little weird cuz she was rubbing my johnson right in front of them so I told her we had to go and she was all down, she tells her afghani roomies this and they start yelling in there language for about 5 minutes, I am too drunk to react to this fighting so I just sit there swaying side to side, trying to stay concious. Eventually she turns to me and the look on her face reminded me of when you asked your parents if your bestfriend could sleep over and they said no and you were way to upset. So she tells me she can't fuck me tonight. It looked like she was about to cry it was so fucked up haha like these brown guys are all her boyfriends and dads at the same time.

    So eventually we leave and we end up at this hotdog stand, it was the tastiest damn hotdog i ever had, I ended up telling this dude how amazing his hot dogs were for like ten minutes and shaking all the staffs hands and shit then for some reason after that we go to megabite and i spill the entire condiment counter on myself cuz I fell into it reaching for the hot sauce. Now I am blacked out and have franks hot sauce all over me. The night was not over yet, although it should have been, so damn sloppy.

    We end up at the roxy and at this point i am talking to any chick who looks at me for a millisecond, lots of them were probably cuz i had a condiment station on my shirt. Somehow I start dancing with like the hottest chick ever and she was loving it. My friend turns me around laughing saying we have to go and that I do not know how to dance at all and you look way to cool to be here right now. I agreed with them and then we drove home. The end.

    Wednesday, September 22, 2010

    46 years of fine aging and a curious 20 year old

    Hello Brothers,

    This is my first post and I will try and make the experience as memorable as it was for me for you the reader. As many brothers are aware there is a cozy nook that sits on the corner of White Rock beach called The Sandpiper or as I like to call it: the Booyah Piper. So I make my weekly trek down to white rock to hang out with some fellow bros, the night begins with quickly drinking a six pack of tall boy old mil's and a walk down to the bar. The walk down to the beach, drinkin brews with bros is always a good time plus I get to point out all the cars i've pissed on and tried to shit on, and all the trees weve broken. Funny what a little liquor and a naked dude will do to ya.

    We finally get to the bar, we by pass getting beer and head straight for the karaoke play list right away. Before you know it we have got 4 songs ready to unleash on the unsuspecting crowd. Once I am content with the golden choices we made I head to the bar, at this point I am very much drunk and kinda spilly, which is a good mixture for a dance floor. So I get my beer, and some fuckin song for some reason I have to dance too starts playing so I slam my beer and head right for it. There is four of us BTW, all bros and all intimately dancing with each other and grinding on one another, you know for shits and giggles. People are getting weird-ed out but I don't give a flying Freddy. So that keeps up for like another hour, were all dancing and singing and carrying on, great night really. My drunk starts entering the aggressive horny stage, also a really good stage if you like to grab chicks.

    And then from the corner of my drunken horny eye, I spot one not really a rare sight at the piper but a sight none the less. A cougar awaits my arrival, so I glide towards her and start dancing with her with my slick ass moves that from another person point of view looks like a crippled man trying to walk again while drunk. We dance for a while but my agressivness kicks in and I take her outside for a smoke, from there I lay on the smooth talk but there was really no need, she already marked her territory and everyone knew it. I looked behind me and all my bros are standing there smirking at me, I give them a re assuring nod that tells them I will not be returning with them tonight.

    So now the night really starts, we start walking up to her car with friend. I could tell her friends was laughing really hard inside about what was happening. Al three of us are blackout, and at this point she tells me she drove. I wasn't too worried about it cuz if anyone knows how to drink and drive it's me, I volunteer like I really wanted to or something. We get to the car and I notice it is a standard, now this poses a problem because a standard is not a type of car I've driven before. So her friend tries to help me but she's to busy trying to keep her food down and my cougar is too busy talking about shit I couldn't care less about. My clumsy attempt to drive a standard up hilly white rock while blackout costed this car 6 stalls. Which isn't too bad right? So we finally end up at her house, she makes the most tasty martini I ever had, we all sit on hte patio and talk about stupid shit and sway side to side all trying not too pass out. Her friend calls a cab cuz she knows it's about to go down, and as soon as she did I hopped in this 46 year olds bed took all my clothes off except my socks (of course) I figured shes 46 she doesnt wanna play games, and boy was I right. She starts slobbin on my knob like it's the last one on earth, my eyes went from half open to full blown shocked. And from there it was just about 25 minutes of epic cougar sex, I felt like I was being raped but it was tight. As soon as SHE finished, I passed the hell out, woke up in the morning nood still took a piss, it went bloody everywhere , I decided not to clean it up, I was way too hungover to bend over and exert energy. I walk into the kitchen and there is a cup of coffee and breakfast made for me. I thought to myself what A good idea this was. As I happily finished my breakfast we talked awkwardly for about a half hour than I made my long walk of shame home.

    Too my brothers who are doubtful about the milf hookup, give it a try. It'll be weird and you will be thinking to yourself why aren't I having sex with a 18 year old skank right now, but trust me it's worth it just for one time just to say you did it. And brother mitch your an idiot not going out with that 30 year old, she woulda sucked your dick right off.

    Wet Jugs

    Hit on at Superstore

    Bros,

    I was at superstore today doing my weekly grocery shopping for my my usual, eggs,cereal,greek salad ingredients, and the ingredients to make my weekly batch of spaghetti sauce. Some woman commented on me buying healthy food when I was searching for oregano that I couldn't find then spun some more conversation and then got really forward asking if I wanted to go for coffee. She was old(probably pushing towards 30 i would guess), but looked like was probably okay when she was my age. Anyways, I told her I had a girlfriend and walked away. The pants were with me today, attracting older women.

    I'll leave you with a quote:

    “If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it's better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.”-Jennifer Lopez


    Sincerely,

    Brother Mitch


    Ps: I never did find the oregano

    Tuesday, September 21, 2010

    Broliver Presents: Posting from VIP in Toronto and Karaoke antics.

    Greetings my brothers,
    I am posting from the VIP lounge (yes it's actually called that) in the Toronto international airport. A woman came up to me whilst I was seated and asked "...have I already checked you in?" to which I replied with a slow nod and a confident "Yes." She didn't check me in, this was her first time ever seeing me. I have about an hour to kill so I decided to walk around, I ended up leaving the security area so I had to go back through security which annoyed me, so I took my belt off in a dramatic fashion and threw it on the floor, I then started unbuttoning my pants but remembered that guy who got tazered to death in YVR and started to re-button my pants. I had to go through some weird new-age scanning thing and did not follow Ricardo's instructions at all. It was hilarious, it took over a minute for me to stand on 2 yellow footprints, all the while I was doing strange model poses and ballet spins.

    I got seated in a row of seats all by myself on the flight from Halifax, I was chatting up the lady at the desk and asked if I could get business class, since West Jet has no business class Her words: 'with west jet we're ALL business class' Bullshit. Anyway, that was a nice perk and she promised me the best seat on my flight to Vancouver, I wonder if that includes a blowjob from the steward/ess.

    I woke up this morning completely drunk and confused, it was 7:30 and I must have slept through my alarm, this resulted in no shower/breakfast/or any sort of preparation at all. Luckily I packed the night before, pre-drunkeness.

    I sang karaoke again last night, it was amazing, I decided to get hammered as it was my last night in Halifax. The table of girls that I decided to sit with was pretty cool, there was one hot girl but she was flanked by fatties, apparently one of the fatties I had actually talked to and danced with on the weekend, even though I went out sober on the weekend I couldn't remember this because I met so many girls. Oh well. I sang "under the bridge" by the chili peppers, got a free drink, then I bought a double vodka tonic and sang "All out of love" by Air supply, if you don't know this song I recommend you listen to it immediately. I don't remember much but apparently I smashed it out of the park and all the girls were getting wet.

    I was completely hammered at this point and realized if I wanted anything to happen with the hot girl I had to sit next to her, so I climbed over the fat friend without saying anything and started groping her indescriminately, she was down but her friends were pissed off. At one point while I was gone pissing and my friend was still there apparently the friends said "We need to get away from that guy he's hammered and groping you!" (in my words) and the one hot one said "But-but he's a good singer!"(in dave's words) Anyway, supposedly I was on the verge of being thrown out and had a 9am flight the next day so my friend decided it was time to leave and escort me out, I didn't even get to sing "Only the good die young" by Billy Joel, which was up next on my list. Great night all in all. I've realized that I don't need alcohol as a social crutch but it's a damn good time to get hammered and not give a fuck, I haven't quit drinking but I don't think I'll drink as much as I used to (almost daily, borderline alcoholic stylez)

    Anyways, that was my Sunday and hopefully the next hour flies by!

    p.s let's get all the brothers who are currently living in the lower mainland to get together and party some shit up, so if you guys know any good parties going on soon, let's all descend on that shit with pure pant glory.

    BBBBJ In Ghana.

    Well bromen, I'm here and it is hot. Not nearly as hot as my BBBBJ(British Bare Back Blow Job). She was nice, it was nice, she also had nice teeth. Can't stay long, but i can assure you, I'm not going to abstain from anygirl that come to ghana with me, i also got the Ghana cell phone of two chicks from holland.

    I have less than a minute now at this internet cafe. Posting will be happening once every two months.

    Farewell Brothers,


    Ps. There have been no bowel eruptions...yet.
    PPS. 2 dollars for a bottle of beer, and a guy gave me a whole bottle of gin.

    Monday, September 20, 2010

    My Post

    http://poststuff3.entensity.net/092010/flash.php?media=awesome.flv

    5 Star, quality entertainment.
    Siiick of being nagged to post in this so i finally decided to go for it. School started for everyone so that makes my life 100 times more boring now that everyone is all responsible and blah blah blah... which totally sucks. I recently found out i'm pretty sensitive to Gluten and stuff like that so i can't drink most beers or eat pretty much anything... which doesn't help me cause i also picked up a vegan diet a couple weeks ago. So finding shit to eat other than salads is pretty tough. I really wish i had some more shit to talk about buuut i don't. sorrry! i will uupdate soon!

    Confidence is the way to a woman's heart.. or atleast her pants.


    As this blog is public again, I must now choose my words carefully. Since I now have a social persona to uphold, I have spent the last hour figuring out how to censor my happenings for the benefit of promoting future happenings without sacrificing the brotherly nature of my report to my dearest kinsmen.
    I have come up with a list only.

    Wenesday- Ratatat Live at the Commadore.
    Thursday - Yazads Birth Party.
    Friday- Pauls Departure Party.
    Saturday- UBC House Party.
    Sunday- Recovery.
    Monday- Date night.

    The results without going into explicit detail:
    I received 13 numbers in the last 5 days.

    How?
    Answer:
    The wise words of a father,
    "A woman will not lay a man who will not lay himself."

    So I leave you with my legacy,

    Lay unto yourself as you would lay unto others.




    Kind Regards,

    Brother Moe








    Brother Down In The Library

    Brother Naresh Reporting In,

    Dear Brothers, I right to you in awe as I study for Chemistry only the best course one has to offer in the depths of the silence zone on the 3rd floor of this gigantic library. A Great man once said "Life is Good" His name was Aran Davison who can't use this blog because for some reason it's in russian for him in Greece. Anyways. If anyone has been in this library Jake for example one would know that the 3rd floor is the quietest place on earth. For you brother's I will let out a big fart so the masses in here will stare at me in the utmost disgust and I will look back at their faces and say while having the biggest smile "You wanna hear a louder one" Then go back to my studious ways. UVic is a ridiculous school, I met a beautiful girl on friday, I don't really know her name she probably told me but it was 2 am in the morning on a friday... I invited her over for toast but sadly there was only 2 slices of toast left. Not to worry Brother's I Had NUTELLA. So everything worked out. I also went to some keggar on friday, left within 10 minutes though for it was in a house fit for 50 people but had 300 people in it. A little girl almost got squished to death. Saturday night Scott and I rolled out to Social Club. It was pouring rain and we were completely Sober, but we had a wonderful night. Girls really do love dancing, but so do I, so it wasn't a problem. Scott and I realized that going to a club sober made us the most moralistic humans in the world (Wayyy more than the Dalai Lama). It was disgusting. I miss each and every one of you brothers and if you get the chance you should all get the Friday the November 5th tickets to see the Bloody Beetroots. It'll be a Night to remember. For now I am inclined to get a 100% in every single course and to let out loud farts on the third floor of the library. Tomorrow I look forward to being bullied because of my farts, and if you don't hear from me wednesday I'm in Intensive care after farting one too many times. No but seriously, I would have gone into more detail but I really need to focus. FOCUS! Oh yah back to "Life is Good"---- I expand the quote to "Life Is Beyond Good, It's What You Make it, and I made it Great" THROUGH THE TEARS AND THE LAUGHTER BROTHERS XOXOX LIVE LAUGH LOVE CRY JUMP AND CUDDLE AND KISS ONLY WHEN MARRIED.


    REIGN OF THE BROTHERHOOD
    BROTHER NARESH
    REPORTING OUT

    Beer Olympics of Olympic proportions

    This past weekend, by brothers, our house hosted the second annual Beer olympics at the Barn.

    Beer Olympics = olympic style beer drinking competition
    The Barn = our house, since it looks like a barn.

    We invited 17 teams of three, hosted five events, and drank 20 24's of beer.

     Our team was off to a disadvantave from the start, when our mandatory girl drinker bailed out an hour before the event.  Team Sweden suddenly needed to find a new member!  After mass texts, we ended up having some guy named AJ on our team.  No one knew who he was, and you would think having three guys at a drinking comptetition would be advantagous, since all teams needed at least one girl; however AJ was the only 19-23 year old male in a whole three block radius who could not drink beer.

    The first event was Boat Race.  It's kinda like flip-cup, without the flipping.  It's a timed event, where contestants go down a line and back, drinking a beer as fast as the can.  We would have done well, but AJ, in the middle decided to sip his beer, not realizing that it was a timed event...and that we were at a drinking competition.  Who invited this guy?

    Next event up is the bat spin.  Contestants spin around with their foreheads on a bat ten times, then run five meters and to a table, where they have to drink a full beer.  Two members from each team are timed, and the winning team has the lowest total time.  This is the greatest event of the tournament.  Everyone stands around and laughs as individules make an ass of themselves, and girls fall down.  We did quite well, and came in third place for this event, probably because AJ sat it out.

    Flip cup was next, ladder style tournament, you have to lose two times to get disqualified, and the last team standing wins.  We were up against Lebanon, and would have lost, but the bastards cheated.  Their third drinker started drinking before the second was finished his beer.  If this more serious than a chill afternoon of drinking, then I would have protested, but we were just there to drink some beers in a brotherly manner.

    Quarters was up next.  Fairly uneventful, who even plays quarters these days anyways?

    Finally we were upstairs for beer pong.  Same ladder style tournament, but if you lose once, you're out.  The whole day AJ's been talking about Beer Pong.  This mysterious guy who no one really knows says he's good a beer pong, and he's clearly not good at anything else, so we give him a chance.  We're up against Kazakstan, two dudes dressed like Borat.  Game's fairly close, AJ's nothing special, but he's certainly passable.  Eventually though we've got our backs against the wall with 3-1, and we're on redemption.  AJ throws first, misses, typical.  I'm up next.  It's all on the line, they have three cups in a row.  At this point brothers, I think of the pants.  In my heart of hearts I'm wearing the magical pants which to which we are all bound.  I throw my first shot.  Sink it, no splash.  Second shot is up, perfect trajectory as if guided by angels.  Now It's all up to me.  One shot, one cup.  I throw my plastic ping pong ball, and sink the third cup.  Truly a moment where the pants were with me brothers.

    All in all the beer olympics were a great sucess.  The pants were with me brother, but one day there shall be another beer olympics, one where we are all together, not only through the spirit of the pants, but it person.

    "May the pants be with you"
    "and also with you, brother"

    -Jam Master Jake