Monday, September 20, 2010

Beer Olympics of Olympic proportions

This past weekend, by brothers, our house hosted the second annual Beer olympics at the Barn.

Beer Olympics = olympic style beer drinking competition
The Barn = our house, since it looks like a barn.

We invited 17 teams of three, hosted five events, and drank 20 24's of beer.

 Our team was off to a disadvantave from the start, when our mandatory girl drinker bailed out an hour before the event.  Team Sweden suddenly needed to find a new member!  After mass texts, we ended up having some guy named AJ on our team.  No one knew who he was, and you would think having three guys at a drinking comptetition would be advantagous, since all teams needed at least one girl; however AJ was the only 19-23 year old male in a whole three block radius who could not drink beer.

The first event was Boat Race.  It's kinda like flip-cup, without the flipping.  It's a timed event, where contestants go down a line and back, drinking a beer as fast as the can.  We would have done well, but AJ, in the middle decided to sip his beer, not realizing that it was a timed event...and that we were at a drinking competition.  Who invited this guy?

Next event up is the bat spin.  Contestants spin around with their foreheads on a bat ten times, then run five meters and to a table, where they have to drink a full beer.  Two members from each team are timed, and the winning team has the lowest total time.  This is the greatest event of the tournament.  Everyone stands around and laughs as individules make an ass of themselves, and girls fall down.  We did quite well, and came in third place for this event, probably because AJ sat it out.

Flip cup was next, ladder style tournament, you have to lose two times to get disqualified, and the last team standing wins.  We were up against Lebanon, and would have lost, but the bastards cheated.  Their third drinker started drinking before the second was finished his beer.  If this more serious than a chill afternoon of drinking, then I would have protested, but we were just there to drink some beers in a brotherly manner.

Quarters was up next.  Fairly uneventful, who even plays quarters these days anyways?

Finally we were upstairs for beer pong.  Same ladder style tournament, but if you lose once, you're out.  The whole day AJ's been talking about Beer Pong.  This mysterious guy who no one really knows says he's good a beer pong, and he's clearly not good at anything else, so we give him a chance.  We're up against Kazakstan, two dudes dressed like Borat.  Game's fairly close, AJ's nothing special, but he's certainly passable.  Eventually though we've got our backs against the wall with 3-1, and we're on redemption.  AJ throws first, misses, typical.  I'm up next.  It's all on the line, they have three cups in a row.  At this point brothers, I think of the pants.  In my heart of hearts I'm wearing the magical pants which to which we are all bound.  I throw my first shot.  Sink it, no splash.  Second shot is up, perfect trajectory as if guided by angels.  Now It's all up to me.  One shot, one cup.  I throw my plastic ping pong ball, and sink the third cup.  Truly a moment where the pants were with me brothers.

All in all the beer olympics were a great sucess.  The pants were with me brother, but one day there shall be another beer olympics, one where we are all together, not only through the spirit of the pants, but it person.

"May the pants be with you"
"and also with you, brother"

-Jam Master Jake


  1. A most sensational story brother jake, I only wish I was there to see the look on your opponents face during those final moments.

  2. "Truly a moment where the pants were with me brothers." I too have been so fortunate to have experienced those blessed moments, Brother Jake.