Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Baddest Mother Fucker who actually lives.



john lennon + kimbo slice + samuel l jackson x GQ

he just made obama look like bush.

chuck norris is his bitch.

he spars with the hulk.

if only they made him in street fighter.

the world just got safer.
or
the world is going to end.

thats steel wool growing from his face.

the veins on his arms rolled up his sleeves.

his beard is the only real shelter from a nuclear attack.

he carries extra mean looks in his breast pockets.

khaki pants with cargo pockets sales just went up.

khaki pants with cargo pockets just became the rarest commodity on the planet... no wait.. they are extinct.

his black shoes undressed themselves as he put is foot in.

the black on his shoes ran away, scared shitless.

his shadow can take GSP ...in the dark.

those dudes in the back, want be him.

i want to be him.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Foot Passenger Exit

My Brothers,

Today was a good day. My finals are done. I'm on my way home for debauchery with the insane monkey clan, and I get to be with my family, friends and the most important thing in the world...my dog Flash (The Supreme being). Paul it's upsetting that you won't be here for the break but we'll make up for it in the near future. I'll probably see most of you tomorrow, but I'll be away in whistler for a couple days hoping to get some shredding in. On the 20th steve aoki is doing a show up at garfinkles also at whistler, pretty excited about that, gonna be a fucking crazy night with so many Australians(A very sweaty night as well ;)).

The other day I was doing some thinking and realized that this entire hipster fad is pretty pathetic. Then I saw a meme about hipsters that went something along the lines of "It Cost So Much, To Look This poor" and chuckled. Anyways enough of that, I have some important words. We are all over the age of 20 now, that means that in a couple of years we're really gonna have to settle down and start forming our lives for the future. I dread this day. So stop being so god damn boring. Do everything that is our of the norm, fuck with your life, but not to the extent where you fuck with your future. Some of your greatest memories will come in the next years. If we all live up to the norm of everything and follow it's trend what memories are you creating. For Example. "Yah I had diner with my girlfriend it was fantastic" That's fucking boring. But honestly, what have you done this year that was so out of the blue, so extraordinary I know some of you have stories that'll probably break the internet and I do as well. It's definitely brotherhood appropriate but not to the public that read this so I'll share when we are all together. What I'm trying to get at here, is for all of you to live your 20's to the fullest and stop being chodes and boring, you can do that in you're 30's. That's really it, I could keep rambling, but I don't want to sound as if I'm telling you what to do with you life because you all have your own jist of the way the world works and no one has to be philosopher to tell you this crap.

Now for a few words on my mind.

Oliver, sparring is a must. Mitch don't forget to pick me up from the ferry at 8:30. Carson I'm thankful I never have to drive you to the gym anymore. Moe, emma watson looks like a boy with short hair. Yazad, sauna?. Ryland don't forget to call me when your up on the mountain. Humza I don't know you but let's meet over the break. Kevin leave a post.Nick anymore Milf hookups and restraining orders? Paul how's the dragon? Navin leave a post. Jason, hope that broken hand is better. Brandon stop playing wow. Jake Freinds>Lisa.

I realize this post probably made me sound like a dick.

But in the end I love each and everyone of you to death.

My Parting Words: Always Wear a god damn rubber. No matter how good it might feel naked. The scare is not worth it. And Babies are gross.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Democrazy

I am staying in a democratic country right now, it's name is Ghana.

I used the term democracy lightly because, I know now, that it is a ri-fucking-diculous overstatement. At least in this country, probably many others.

This country is poor, though rich in natural resources( Which by the way according to the textbook, have been "...given to us by god so we may prosper.") Primarily the god given resources that attract expats from around the world are gold and oil.

Ghana as a whole does not see the money from this, the government does, and they should give back. Ghana's roads are in shit shape. Their "Government Hospitals" are the saddest motherfuckers I've ever seen. I would know I recently spent two nights in one.
The government should, give the money back. Will it, I don't fucking think so.

I was talking to a taxi driver as we drove from the town I stay in to the bigger one with the bank. I had purposely asked his opinion on the government and asked if I could write down what he said, he talked slowly so everything worked fine.
This is what he had to tell me. He swore lots, it was good to hear.

"This Politically men are no good for Ghana. They are shit for this country. My shit country, is poor. Because our president is bull shit and greedy. I donnot want to drive my shit car on his shit roads, he has all our money from gold and oil and he keeps it and gives to his friends, he is shit. His shit house, has 20 shit cars."

"So, this really isn't much of a democracy then." I stated.

"No this is shit! It is democrazy!"

Summing up what my driver said, what I have witnessed and been a part of. I would have to agree with him. The only real democratic part of this country is the fact that they still vote. But they have to vote from one dictator to another. This country votes for greedy men to fuck them over.

Ghana may be great, but from their point of view, and especially in regards to politics, "[It] is shit! It is democrazy!"


Brother Paul
Ghana Correspondent.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Ahoy Brothers.

Well my life is pretty bleak at the moment, unemployed and the friend who promised me that he'd move into Vancouver with me bailed. So right now looking for places with random people and trying to find work, but it's a fucked up catch 22, places won't hire me because I live too far away and would have no way home at night time and people don't want to recruit an unemployed room-mate, wat do /b/?

Anyway had a few fun weekends, went up to Whistler with some bros, snow time winter wonderland, got completely black out drunk on the Friday I have a few vague memories of some angry men pushing me around because I was lifting up and humping one of their women, I couldn't defend myself because I could barely stand. Bastards. I also remember being in the parking lot talking to a Police woman with my swimming shorts hiked up under my jacket so I looked nude, she accused me of being some sort of pervert. After supplying her with 100% fake information I got away with no form of ticket.

Next day was spent alternating between chilling in the hot tub and lying in the snow, such a damn good feeling, did that for like 5 hours straight. Then the heavy drinking started, I choked my friend so hard his nose bled, 2 people passed out before 9pm and then we went out clubbing. I avoided line by recognizing a promoter, then when she ushered me into the place where I pay cover I just waited for her to leave, left the cover area and just walked in the re-entrance, told the bouncer I know the owner and he just slapped me a stamp, good way to save $15 IMO. Had a ton of fun just dancing up a storm, saw some nervous chode so my friend and I lifted him up into an impromptu crowd surf, made out with a few random girls without getting their names, for the lulz. Basically just tore it up like a drunken hurricane and headed back for more hot tub and beer times, fell asleep on some wooden platform, damaged my knee as a result.

Victoria weekend was absolutely epic. Brother Ryland and I departed the mainland to be rejoined with Brother Naresh. I also discovered a gem of a drink, Sobieski vodka - same price as Smirnoff, better tasting than Grey Goose, I drank that shit straight all weekend. Nothing really went down Friday except for some bromenship, drinking and Naresh's roommate Ian and I went to a dead pub, hit on (read: completely invade the personal space of) some Japanese girls and then broke some shit on the walk home, classic.

Next day was spent hanging out, eating all you can eat chinese food (4 plates of meat), cooking Butternut squash and watching TUF finale, my boy Brookins won, he was my pick, good shit. Drinking was commenced and the fun began, on the way to downtown definitely invaded some personal space of many people, licked some random chodes face at the bus stop and he just didn't know what to do, freaked out to the max. Me and Scott walked towards traffic in a way that looked like we were going to get hit to just freak everyone the fuck out, classic game. Club was fun, lots of chodes, learned some funny lessons. If a guy is dancing with a girl that doesn't mean shit, countless times I just went up and grabbed a girl from a guy and started dancing with her without any form of opposition, also I think I need to slow down it down, I get too fucking ADD and just run around grabbing everyone, licking faces, making out and lifting people up. It probably looks like I'm on some form of amphetimine, I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out. Another thing is if some dude tries to talk to a girl you're currently engaging, just shove him away, no need for pointless banter and out-witting, a simple physical shove is all you need.

After the club I somehow uprooted a concrete drinking fountain from the sidewalk to the disbelief of some gawking onlookers, more destruction, ran through someone's fence etc.
Epic farewells and a good ferry ride home with Brother Ryland (aka sleepy, kid fell asleep like 10 times this trip).

Other than that I've only been listening to the Dubstep Artist Excision (coming to Vancouver Jan 20th, highly recommended) and was really happy with the results of K1's world grand prix, which was 10x more exciting than any UFC event. Also UFC 124 was pretty decent, Thiago Alves's standup is insane now, props to GSP for the jabfest.

Cheers brother, a meet up is necessary and imminent.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

month recap

(I originally started writing this monday but was in too much pain to finish, hence the choppy style)

Brothers,

As I sit here now I am high on painkillers for my infected jaw. Basically my wisdom teeth are coming in, because I am less evolved(being a negro hybrid) I have room for these in my mouth and they do not require removal, the other day though they got infected and I am now on codeine and antibiotics.

Lets start with three weekends ago: Friday I got invited to the red room by a friend of mine, I normally hate clubbing but I have been so bored lately that I agreed to go. I drank lots and danced a ton. The best thing in the world to do in the club when you're with girls is: when you're dancing with them leave a little space in between you and the girl, then when another guy starts making his move to dance with the girl(s) you're dancing with get real close and do ridiculous dance moves, then laugh while you watch him walk back to the sidelines. This night, we took the night bus from Vancouver to surrey. All I will say is never ever take this bus.

The next weekend on friday a friend of mine invited a few people over to watch some movies I agreed to had a UFC watching event at his house. I don't really enjoy the UFC but I do enjoy parties, I basically got blackout drunk and played with his pit-bull most of the night.(there is no hidden meaning here)

The following weekend I went to this girls birthday at a club called Fabric in gastown. Do not go to this club unless you have an asian fetish and like getting kicked in the balls by bouncers. basically we take a party bus downtown see this club with a big line up that we had cover waived for then when we got in the club was at half capacity, drinks were super expensive and everyone other than the crew I went with were asian. Towards the end of the night a buddy of mine was drunk and sitting at a table when the bouncers grabbed him and threw him out for no real reason, one of them even kneed him in the balls, he wasn't even resisting. I was super hammered and did a lot of things I wouldn't sober but I like makin some memories and war stories.

The next week is when my wisdom tooth infection flared up, I eventually got them pulled top avoid more infections and am already back to my usual antics this week. I hope to see some of your handsome faces over winter break.


My advice to you: every woman that ever sleeps with you is trying to eventually snare you into impregnating them, this is why you should always cum during foreplay.

Love,

Brother Mitch

Ps: post some shit up, even if your life is worthless.