Thursday, September 16, 2010

Broliver Presents: Failing to pee with 21 years experience.

Well, after drinking all this G2 Gatorade (there was a promotional event at the local university with some poorly guarded drinks, my friend and I ended up taking well over 60 bottles worth of drinks, 24 of them being G2 Gatorade) nature called and I felt I should go relieve myself in the washroom. After painfully popping a rather bothersome zit on my chin that I attempted earlier today I decided I'd reward myself with a nice quick and easy piss.

The stream starts no trouble, aim is correct, everything is going smoothly. I decide now is a good time to spit, I like spitting the toilet while I pee, it feels like I'm just getting it all out. So I go to hock the phlegm in my throat and instead of staying in my mouth it kind of just launches right out and lands on my hand, so I'm holding my dick and there's a big wad of phlegm hanging off of my knuckle, I decided to get creative, switched hands and thought that if I caught the bottom half of the loogie mid-stream the pressure from the pee would encourage the loogie to separate from my knuckle and be sent home into the toilet.

What happened was the stream hit the target properly, but just covered it in urine and the pressure from the piss launched the loogie back like a child on a swing so now I have a piss soaked loogie all over my hand. I am very disappointed at this point. I don't let it get me upset though. I finish peeing (or so I thought) and grab a piece of toilet paper and wipe my hand off. As I'm getting the last few drops out my dick is not aiming downwards but more straight ahead and for some reason one final shot of piss just sprays out going all over the toilet lid and wall.

How does this shit happen? Am I such a horrible person to deserve random pranks from God like this? Just awful. Anyway I cleaned up my piss and just felt pretty down about not even being able to pee properly at 21 years old. One day I'll get the hang of it.

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