Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Fuck the Police

Hello fellow brothers,

This is my first post in quite some time, but lately I haven't had much to talk about either than working and drinking full time. But one night stands out from the rest. About a week ago a buddy I work with sat down to have a couple drinks after work cuz it was 3.50 pilsners that night booyah! so when an hour later when I got off I joined him for a couple. I told myself I am only going to have a few then go home. By the time I sat down he was already half cut, and kept encouraging me to join him, and my will power is nothing so I did. 10 minutes later were ordering shots talking to people around us, having a jolly old time.

There this tall red head who is giving me the eye for the last 15 minutes so I go over there and chat her up, I tell her I am 24 and she tells me she likes that. It is her friends birthday party, so right there I knew some fat chick was going to ruin my time with this chick but luckily all her friends were just as hot as she was, which is extremely lucky. There was some 40 year old with them he was pretty rad he kept feeding my shots all night and doing coke from his finger nail, real stand up guy. His friend that he brought was this really buff bald asian man who kept betting me I couldn't drink 3 bottles of beer under 36 seconds and I kept telling him that was not possible from a bottle or when there cold, so he did it right in front of me like a boss would do and sure enough he slams them all. I still tell him I don't want to do it. During the night when we are still at my work I decide to text my ex gf to see how shes doing, the convo was nice and friendly for all of ten minutes then she snaps cuz I think I said she wasn't going anywhere in life or something and then throughout the night it was just a flurry of ravenous text messages back and forth, some of them got pretty damn harsh on both ends but whatever. But anyway me and this redhead and her friends are traveling up and down Granville street from bar to bar, gettin real drunk, having a good ol time, she was loving me too touching my beard kissing me and shit, I was too drunk to comprehend what was going on and every other second I though it was going to be my last one conscious.

So after a couple hours we end up back at my work she orders a jug of water cuz she was spinning I order more beer cuz I was spinning. She leaves shortly after as she's leaving she proceeds to tell me shes not sleeping with me tonight, I laugh at her. She gives me her number and she leaves. We text all the time now but it won't go anywhere I don't think. The asian man bets me again this time it seems like a better idea. We havea race I down a beer and a half and then proceed to spew all over the bar and chairs. I get kicked out of my own work and he has to pay for my 3 beer. hahaha. I think I caught a cab back home, during this ride I proceeded to keep texting my ex gf just saying the worst things posssible you could say to a woman. I just hate her so much. I get hope and I find that my roomate has duct taped someones mail to my door for a small prank, so I take the dry storage shelf and put it against his door then I duct tape his door knob to the fridge handle and move everything else possible in front of his door.

Then I finally get a phone call from my ex cept it's not her ex its her new boyfriend, who proceeds to tell me that he's laying beside her now and i need to stop texting her so I ask him to ask his gf what my dick tastes like then he really loses it I give him my address and he hangs up. I then decide to text her my ballsack multiple times. She phones me telling me I am mental and that I am going to jail I just laugh at her then tell her to kill her self about 100 times. I fall asleep like a baby and wake up the next day with no regrets.

Two days later I get a phone call from work, constable fuck ass telling me I can never phone her again and that he went over to her house and she showed him convos we had and the pictures I sent which means a cop saw my balls hahaha. Before she phoned the cops she blocked me on facebook, later I realize she unblocked me I asked her why she told me she wanted to show the cop my face but my picture on facebook was two frogs riding a tandem bike and the headline at the top of the picture read: fuck the police

1 comment:

  1. This is insane, but I like it. The cops seeing that pic is priceless.